Lunar Effect
by TwilightRJGmomma
Summary: MID-NEW MOON. What if Alice was not waiting for Bella, after Bella cliff jumped? This is what I think may have happened. I do not own twilight or it's characters, I am just a fan writing fiction. Please oh please leave me comments. They keep me going!
1. Chapter 1 Cause&Effect

Lunar Effect

Chapter 1

Cause and Effect

Incredibly loud rain beat on the roof of my house like someone was throwing rocks at us from above. The sun was barely showing, but it was out.

I lay back in my bed staring at the ceiling, last night's drama still playing in my head.

Never in a million years would I have pictured myself kissing Jacob Black. But there I was; pressing him up against the driver side window in the cab of my truck, kissing him passionately.

Where is this coming from? Am I really doing this? I thought to myself. My brain was thinking that but my lips and hands wouldn't stop moving. Jacob's composure was surprising to me. Yes he was kissing me back. But his back was ramrod against the door, his hands stiff at the small of my back. I had a feeling his eyes were wide open. Sure enough, I open my eyes to see him staring straight back at me like he was scared.

"Jake, I'm so sorry. I don't know what just came over me. You smell so good and your lips, they just looked so soft and warm..." He put his finger to my lips to stop me from talking. His eyes, face and whole body went soft. Ah, there he is. That's my Jacob, the face I loved too much. Now I really felt it. I love Jacob.

"Bella, honey, you just blew my mind! So many times I wished, prayed for you to want to kiss me. You have no idea how happy I am at this moment."

A shy, but genuine smile came to my face. That would be my mission in this new life. Make Jacob as happy as he makes me. His hands were holding my cheeks now. He rubbed them softly with his warm thumbs, and kissed me again oh so softly. What was that, my heart? It felt warm, in the cold hole that was my chest. The smallest of small beats over whelmed me. It has been so long since I felt anything other than the festering edges of the hole. I felt a tear well up and trickle down my cheek rolling onto his fingers. He looked at the tiny bit of water on his fingers, and before he could think they were tears of sadness, I told him, "I do know how happy you are. I'm right there with you." And we kissed again.

We both giggled and seen Charlie drive around the corner. I turned to Jake and said "Thank you, for saving my life Jacob."

"That's what I'm here for Bells."

Just then my heart fluttered uncontrollably. If only he knew in how many ways he was saving me.

Charlie, Jake and I all hugged each other on the porch, remembering what had happened to Harry earlier in the day. We invited Jacob in for dinner, but he nicely declined saying at a time like this he should go be with Billy and the Clearwaters.

Charlie looked around the street and asked "Where's the rabbit? Do you need a ride?"

"No thanks, Embry's on his way to get me" Jake flashed me a wink. I knew as soon as Charlie and I were in the house he would just morph and run home. Charlie went inside first, I turned to say goodbye to Jake and his face was worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm afraid to leave and have this day come to an end. Although it's been a crazy day, I'm afraid your feelings will change when you're alone and have time to think."

He knew me all too well. But I didn't feel like this was going to change. I felt changed already. I took a step to him and grabbed his hand and put it on my heart. "I haven't felt my heart beat so strong in... a while. It feels good, and I don't want that to change."

We smiled at each other then he took my hand and kissed the top of it. "Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked. My smile said it all, and he was off, running into the woods.

Before I could close the door, I heard a howl that sounded like pure happiness.

When I got inside I quickly made Charlie and I some cold cuts. I asked Charlie if he would need anything else the rest of the night, and when he said no I excused myself to take a shower and head to bed.

Without Jacob around I felt cold again. The shower was helping so I sat down in the tub to let the hot water beat on my legs. Now that I was alone, I thought about what I'd just gotten myself into. My actions, my kissing him, made it official. He was now my Jacob, but that meant I was now his Bella. These thoughts did two things to me. First it made me sad, second it made me cry.

I was sad because as much as I loved Jake and he loved me Jacob could never have all of me. I could never truly be his Bella. And I cried because the other half of me, the half that could hold true love, was gone. It was gone with the one I truly loved. After my trip into the water earlier this today, it was easier to think of him. My gut turned with the thoughts of how Edward would have felt about my cliff jumping, and my kissing Jacob. I was torn. Yes the Edward voice in my head had told me to "be happy" just moments before our kiss. But I couldn't be happy knowing, Jacob was not Edward. That did it. The hole was now festering again.

I cried until I realized ice cold water was now showering on me. All the lights in the house were off, I noticed as I walked to my room. I threw on some sweats and a sweater. My room and bed seemed just as cold as the shower. I curled up and covered myself up to my ears. My mind seemed so full, yet I couldn't put any real thoughts together. I didn't even realize I was crying still. With every blink the tears came rushing down my face. I closed my eyes waiting for sleep. I just knew my nightmares tonight would be horrible.

Horrible was not the right word for the images in my dream. Impossible was better. As I drifted to sleep, the Edward voice came to my head. "Your happiness is my happiness. Isabella Marie, I love you, live happy." I'd never had a dream like this before. Edward and his beautiful emerald green eyes stared at me in a room full of people. People I knew and loved watched me as I walked slowly to my new husband's side. He took me in his arms and spun me around. Looking into his eyes was melting me to my heart. His hands were warm, and as I lay my head against his chest letting him lead us in our fist dance as husband and wife. I could hear and feel his heart beating, alive and beating with love for me. And we danced and danced into forever.

The rain had not let up one bit. And the sun had gone back behind the clouds. Today was the first day in a long time I hadn't woke screaming. So it looked dark enough outside that I could go back to sleep. I really was afraid I hadn't woken yet and the nightmare was still to come. When the phone started ringing I figured I'd let Charlie answer. But by the fourth ring I guessed he must have left already. My blankets fell to the ground as I flew up and down the stairs.

"Hello!"

"Good morning sunshine" the voice on the other line said.

"Hello ." I thought it was funny.

"I've got a question for ya" Jake said.

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Well it's the last day of spring break, and I was wondering if I could take you on a date?" He went very quiet, listening to my breathing.

Oh, well, here we go. This is it, do or die. I decided, I can't hold on to a dream that is never going to come true. Romeo was gone, never coming back. And I have my own personal Paris to fill the void.

"Jacob, I would love to go on a date with you."

"SWEET! We will do something new. I'll pick you up around five-ish?"

"Sounds like a date."

"Great, see ya later sweetness"

"Good bye Jake."


	2. Chapter 2 Significant Impact

Chapter 2

Significant Impact

Charlie looked as if he were going to be sick. This was defiantly not the reaction I was expecting. At all.

"Like a date, date?" He asked through his teeth with serious eyes.

"Well yeah. He asked, and I told him yes. What's the big deal anyways? I hang out with Jacob all the time" Really what was the big deal?

"I thought you didn't like him like that?"

"Again, why is it a big deal now?" I was starting to get angry. Isn't this what he had pushed for?

"Bella, its a big deal because if you have feelings for him like he does for you. Well I don't want the two of you hooking up!"

Wow I'd never heard my dad use that term before. He continued speaking through his teeth without missing a beat.

"At least before when you two were hanging out I knew you loved him like a brother. That I can take, gladly. But I don't know...I can't stand to think of you loving him like you loved that _Cullen_."

Double wow! His face went blank and he knew he had crossed the unspoken line, and for him to refer to Edward as Cullen? Was it WW3 he's after? Cause if he's looking...

"Dad! It's a simple date. Don't talk about things you have no idea about!." Although I yelled that was as nice as I could put it. I walked slowly to my room, eyes closed, breathing through my nose. My eyes opened at the top of the stairs, Uh I didn't cry. Once I walked through my door, I oddly felt much better. I didn't care what Charlie thought or had to say. After all, I am on a journey for happiness.

My closet didn't have much to offer. Now would be when Alice would come in to dress me up. I did the best I could, trying to picture what Alice would do to me. I kept it simple, jeans and my favorite red blouse. My hair up with a few loose curls hanging. Shoes were the hardest part. I can't do heals. Not at all. So I wore a pair of black slip-ons with a silver glittery strip across the front. I'd have to slip my tennis shoes in the back seat of his car if we were going to be outside.

I was hoping to be down stairs when Jake got here. But of course, I wasn't. When I finally walked down the stairs, I heard dad and Jacob talking in the hallway.

"Just have some respect for her okay, Jake? That's all I ask." Charlie didn't sound like he was being very nice.

What was he doing? He's the one not being very respectful.

"Charlie, you must not know either one of us at all. We're going out to see if we like being with each other somewhere other than here or LaPush. You know your daughter is safe with me and you know I would never disrespect you or her."

I know he was new at this kind of stuff. But he was talking with such confidence. I liked it! If Charlie didn't believe that, then no guy would ever get past him.

A slap on the back let me know Charlie was approving of Jacob.

"Okay kid, we'll see." Okay maybe tolerating is a better word than approving.

I made a loud noise coming off the last step to let them know I was ready. Jacob came to the stairs and I was very impressed. His hair was slicked down and combed. He wore dark blue jeans and a very nice dark brown long sleeved button down. He opted for nice brown leather shoes, so we must be doing something special. I'll drop my shoes out of my coat when he's not looking. As I stood next to him; a whole foot shorter, I thought we looked pretty dang good together. Jake and I smiled wide at the same time.

"Have fun kids. Jake, remember curfew!" He was standing tall, arms crossed trying to intimidate Jacob.

"Yes Chief." Jacob looked more serious than Charlie and I couldn't help but laugh my head off.

I was glad to see that the rain stopped, and the sidewalk and streets looked pretty dry. Jacob reached the car before me and held the door open for me. It was very sweet.

I was curious where we were going but I didn't want to ask. I thought if he wanted me to know he would have told me. The surprise of it all would be nice. We made mindless chit-chat about things that had nothing to do with werewolves and vampires.

After the first half hour went by, it became obvious we were going to Port Angeles. I became oddly anxious. There wasn't that much to do there, unless you wanted to shop at a bunch of Mom and Pop shops. We parked by the bay and made a nice little walk down the boardwalk. Walking and talking. And holding hands. It felt nice and carefree. Like this was how Jacob and I were supposed to feel together. It felt right. He led me to a little restaurant I knew. Seemed like a thousand years ago I was here. _'La Bella Italia_.' I held my breath, slowly pushing the air out my nose.

"I liked the name. I thought the food would be good, you up for it?" He looked nervous. He was reading my face.

"Yes Jake, of course." Breathe in...Breathe out.

"Reservation for 2 under Black." Jacob sounded really nervous. I grabbed his hand. He smiled.

At least this wasn't the same hostess as before. I didn't recognize this girl.

"This way please." the short girl lead the way. We passed the first table I was offered the time I was here before. Oh good, she sat us at a table on the other side of the room. But unfortunately the chair Jacob pulled out for me to sit in, faced that exact table I once sat. It was empty; the two seats looked just the same. Quickly I turned my attention to Jacobs face. He had a major grin on his face. It made me smile.

"Do you notice how many old people are in here? I would have thought they'd be in bed by now." He tried to be as quiet as possibly. It didn't come out to quiet though. I laughed.

I had noticed the waitress who had boldly flirted with the last date I was here with. I hoped she wouldn't be serving us. No doubt she probably wouldn't recognize me. My mind needed to stop doing this: pointing out all the little details from my last dinner here.

Again, I focused on Jacob. He was busy looking over the menu. His face was saying, 'none of this is going to feel me up or satisfy me.'

Just then he looked up to me. "I would have to eat 4 plates of food to be satisfied."

"I know you would Jake, you're a beast." His eyes went back down to the menu. That must have offended him. Of course I didn't really look at him like he was a beast. That must be how he looks at himself.

Our waitress came. She was not the same girl as before. "Hello, my name is Fiona. Are you two read to order yet?"

"I am, are you ready Jake?" I looked up to him.

"Yes. Go ahead Bella." He didn't look ready.

"Um... I'd like the spinach lasagne. Oh, and a sprite please."

She turned to Jacob, he still didn't look ready.

"Would it possible for me to get a double order of spaghetti and meatballs?"

"Sure you can. What to drink?" Strictly professional, I liked this girl.

"Sprite is good for me. Oh and lots of bread please." Jake flashed her a smile.

"Of course, I'll have your food and drinks out shortly."

When she walked away, I tried my best not to find that other table in my side view. This was hard. Even the very smell in here kept washing back memories of the conversations and feelings that came out of me that evening.

"I'm so happy you came out with me tonight Bella. You've got my heart on fire." Jacob's eyes looked on fire with passion as he spoke.

"Yeah Jake, sure. I mean you saved my life yesterday. I'd do just about anything at this point for you."

Our drinks and bread came then. "Charlie seemed pretty peeved when I showed up to get you. What was his problem?"

"I told him we had a date and he didn't seem to like the thought of us as more than just friends."

One black eyebrow shot up and he had a smirk on his face.

"So we're on a more than friends kind of date?"

"Well you're always going to be my best friend Jake. This date is the beginning of a new kind of friendship."

"I like that Bella. I've been in love with you for a while now." The same grin stayed on his face.

My head and eyes dropped to look down. "I love you too Jake."

"Yea but I'm in love with you." He grabbed my hand and let it go immediately. I didn't notice what I had done wrong. But then I noticed Fiona at our table with our plates and a pitcher of soda.

We ate quickly and quietly. With no surprise Jake was done with his food before me. Bread too. I didn't finish all my food.

Jake walked to the front to pay our tab. I quickly threw a $10 down on the table for a tip before he could argue. I really did like this waitress.

It seemed like we got back to the car pretty fast. On our way back to forks Jacob took an off road I didn't recognize. He stopped at the edge of a cliff and asked if I'd like to look at the stars. There was one hour till curfew. "Yes. Let's do it."

The black blue sky looked so clear above us, we saw every star. Far in the west you could see new storm clouds rolling in. Jake grabbed me by the waist and held me as we both stared up. He whispered in my ear "This feels nice. The stars are amazing"

"They sure are. This does feel good. But Jake, I want you to know I feel like I still need time to heal. I love this progress but be slow...be patient with me. I swear I'll make your life happy." I couldn't meet his eyes. But I could see he was smiling.

"I'll do anything you need me to Bella."

My body was turned facing him now. He gave me a soft kiss and said "Are you ready to go home now?"

Actually I wasn't but it sounded like the right idea.

"Yeah, I bet you could get back on Charlie's good side by having me home early." I was taking his way out, instead of telling him I wanted to go home.

As he drove me home we held hands. I noticed him looking out the side windows to the forest a lot. It seemed like he wanted to hurry home as well. He walked me to the door and gave me a quick kiss on the check. Just then Charlie had opened the door.

"Ah hell Jake, what are you doing" Charlie's face looked tired, mad, and purple all at once.

"Telling Bella good night." Jacob said each word slowly.

"You don't need your lips on her face to tell her good night." Charlie reached for my arm to pull me inside, but I dodged it.

"I'll be right in dad." I said as I pulled the door shut. "Sorry, I don't know what has gotten into him."

"He's just a dad. I understand. Billy was the same way with my sisters. Paul, Sam and Jared will be out here tonight making sure your safe." Jacob had a sad expression on his face I couldn't understand. His eyes kept wondering to the forest on the other side of the street.

"Thanks for everything Jacob."

"Sure, sure."

I walked inside and immediately yelled "Dad!" He was sitting at the kitchen table, looking like a seven year old who broke the rules. "Dad, are you okay? Are you mad at me?"

"No, no Bells. I'm just being a dad. I'm just acting what feels natural. I'm sorry." He looked sincere as he spoke.

"You don't have to worry about me and Jacob dad. We're good kids. I promise." I wanted to keep this promise.

"Did you have fun on your date?"

I wasn't into making conversation right now so I turned for the stairs. "It was fun."

We both walked to our rooms. I flopped on my bed and kicked of my shoes and curled up in a ball. This is what I really wanted to do with my night. Lay here and think about Edward. I wasn't doing anything to make the voices come, so I would lay here and let myself cheat. I wasn't going to dig too deep, but I wanted to scratch the surface. Maybe I could have some happy dreams.


	3. Chapter 3 Spontaneous

Chapter 3.

Spontaneous

My mind wandered to something insignificant. The meadow. I'd only ever been there once and I was picturing it now. Beautiful yes. But nothing in comparison to who I was with. Ever since I first seen Edward's skin, glistening in the sun, I've yet to see beauty compare.

In my sleep, I knew exactly where I was, but I wasn't sure it was the right place. And I had this feeling of confusion. Why was I here? I stood in the meadow, in dirt and dead grass, with no shoes on. I was alone, and I seen a shimmer coming from the edge of the forest. I ran after it. The sticks and dead weeds hurt my feet but I was moving very fast. Once I broke through the trees, I was submerged in water, drowning. First I was still making running motions in the water. When I realized the shimmer was gone, I stopped. Just stopped.

I woke up sweaty and out of breath. My clothes were still on from my date last night. Suddenly I was scared. I heard two howls outside my window. I popped up and looked around. Then they were there again. Although I couldn't be sure, they sounded like howls of pain. Which one of my friends was hurt? Then I heard one really long loud one. Charlie flew out of his bed and down the hall to my room. I lay back down and pretended I was still sleeping when he barged in my room.

"Did you hear that?" Charlie looked like he had just heard a monster. Oh wait, he had.

"No, what? I was sleeping" I didn't have to fake being groggy, I still felt as if I was dreaming. Still confused. The clock said it was 5:14 am.

"Are you sure? It sounded like a bear or something, just right outside the house in the yard maybe...Why are you dressed?"

"I fell asleep like this. You woke me just now. I didn't hear anything like that." The sleepiness didn't give away my lie.

"Ah well maybe it was just part of my bizarre dreams. I was hunting wolves in La push again."

"You should go back to bed dad."

"No, I think I'll head into the station. I showered last night. You need anything before I go?"

"No thanks dad. I think I'll get up and get ready for school."

"Bye Bells, have a good day." Charlie shut my door, and I didn't hear anything else from him.

I grabbed my clothes for the day and headed to the shower. I wasn't even in there five minutes, when I could hear a loud banging. My hair would have to go unwashed for now, the banging was now louder and closer. Quickly I grabbed my towel, wrapped it around my body and went for the door. I was about to head down stairs but I learned the noise was coming from behind my closed bedroom door.

The closest thing I could grab was a hair dryer. I clinched it in my fist, some weapon. I opened my door and peeked into the room. Oh my God! Jacob! He's hanging from the tree, banging on my window with the hugest smile on his face. I ran and opened the window. He leaped from the tree to my room in an instant. In that same instant he was talking so fast I could barely understand him.

"Bella, that was the best action I've ever seen or been a part of. I could beat the hell out of my brothers for setting it up like that. But it couldn't have worked out any better. I could very well kill 100 more of them and I wouldn't be this excited!"

"Kill! Jacob Black who did you kill?" I had realized in that moment I had just dropped my towel. Jacob's eyes bulged and he spun around in the same second.

"Maybe you should put some clothes on before I continue." Jake said this with too much enthusiasm. I just know I'm blushing worse than any time in my life.

I was in the bathroom and getting dressed in a minute. All awhile Jake's still in my room hyped up over his recent fight. I walked in my room about to repeat my question about who he had killed. He didn't even let me get it out, when he blurted. "She's gone Bella, the red head, she's dead. Broken apart and burned up. We got her, we did it! You're safe Bella!"

My body was in his arms and I was trembling. My eyes were ever flowing with tears and I couldn't speak. Was this for real? Was the danger that haunted me for a year, really gone?

"Bella are you okay? You've got to be happy about this?" Jacob was lightly shaking my shoulders trying to pull me out of this daze.

Still I couldn't speak, too much was going through my head. Victoria was gone. That meant no reason for Edward to ever come back. The last of the vampires I'd known were all gone. Now I was just stuck with all these...damn...werewolves. Oh werewolves. Right

"Jacob, who got hurt? I heard howling, who did she take down?" I wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't understand me. I was crying pretty bad.

"Take down? Bella who do you think you're talking to? You heard the end of everything. It was a group effort but actually Embry got the final kill. What you heard was Paul and Embry fighting. Embry does deserve the credit, but Paul feels he stole it out from under him. Sam had to get Paul's tail for him to knock it off." Jacob was radiating pride for his friend's accomplishment.

"You said the guys set it up? What did you mean?" I had finally stopped crying.

"Well the pack was running patrol further out toward Port Angeles, since that's where we were. And they were close when we stopped to look at the stars. They caught a scent they were familiar with, the red head. I knew it was time to take you home when I heard Sam in the trees near us. They knew she was heading for Forks, and they didn't cut her off or stop her. That was Paul's idea. To let her get close enough to your house. Since I would be right there, I could stop her before she got to you. As soon as I phased, I knew she was close. I got into the woods to the east of your house, and there she was. We started coming at her from all sides. She thought she found a window out, to lead her to your house. Paul was waiting for her, but Embry took a chance and leaped at her. He got her head off and we took care of the rest of her."

He made it all sound so simple. I was rushed with excitement and fear. The fear was natural. Victoria terrified me, but now she was gone. I was all but bouncing with Jacob. When the exhilaration started to wear off, I started to think, would I still need Jacob? Probably, he didn't just save me all the time, he did bring me sun during my dark hour. And my life is always on the line.

Jake left so I could go to school. Since I was already dressed I just through my hair in a bun. I still had an hour until school, so I sat in the stairs to really think. Charlie, he is going to live his full life. My father is safe. I was safe too. Again I have escaped a vampire's murderous plot. I had walked away from this one unharmed. Last time I spent weeks in the hospital recovering.

Recovery. Jacob.

I owe him so much at this point. He's been a knight in shining armour. Saving me from my enemies and myself.

But I find myself unhappy with my hero. Jacob just is not...Edward. All I want is my Edward. It hurts to love someone that does not love you in return. I'm trying to give my all to Jacob. But I can't. When your soul belongs to someone else, it can't be content with anyone else.

I've believe I'm a lost cause. But I still owe Jacob. I can still make him happy. My torso was throbbing with pain as the hole ate its way out of me.

Pushing back against it, I left for school.

The day passed easily. Jake was waiting for me on his motorcycle outside school. Every time I see him I can't help but smile. His smile reminds me why I need him. My face was in his hands as soon as I reached him. "You are such a babe. I'm a lucky guy." The heat coming from his hand made my blushing worse.

"Jake don't embarrass me like that." I pushed my face in his chest. He was wearing only a wife beater, there was nowhere to hide.

"Why are you embarrassed? I'm proud of my girlfriend." His voice was soft and sweet.

I looked up at his face, trying to ignore him calling me that. "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought you'd like to hang out?" he was giving me his -please- eyes.

"I've got lots of homework to do, don't you? First day back? We could work on some together." I suggested.

"Well... I was told today that I'll have to do summer school anyways. So what's the point?" Jake sounded rehearsed. He must have had this talk with Billy already.

"Jake, Bring your homework to my house at six o'clock. I'll feed you, we'll do homework. I'm not letting you get any further behind. You don't have extensive patrols anymore, no excuses."

"Yes. Okay Bella. I'll go home, get my crap and I'll come over. You're so bossy. I like it." He picked me up and spun us around while he kissed me. He set me down and I almost fell before he caught me.

I got home and called Charlie to let him know Jake would be over for dinner.

"Well, I've gotta stay late here. Just an hour or so. Maybe I'll call Billy and ask him to catch a ride with Jake. We could watch the game. What are you making?" Charlie asked.

"I think I'll make chicken parmesan. I've got that frozen marinara, from when I made that big batch." During my zombie days I did a lot of cooking.

"Sounds great! I'll hurry." Charlie was happy. Italian was his favorite. I took the marinara out of the freezer and put it in a pan with some water. Set it on low to defrost. My seasonings were out and my chicken was diced up, I was about to start putting everything together when there was a knock on the door.

The clock said it is 4:36. I wasn't excepting anyone now. But it was none other than Jacob. He had the same wife beater on, but now he had a black leather jacket too. I looked over his shoulder, expecting to see his bike. "I bet you look really tough in that riding in the rabbit." I smiled to let him know I was joking.

"It's supposed to rain later and I didn't want Charlie to see the bike." Jacob was casually leaning against the door frame with his hands behind his back.

"Oh right. Come in, your early. Did Charlie call your house?" He came in and left his hands behind his back.

"Yea he called right as I was about to leave. Billy was nowhere near ready to leave so he told Charlie he would take a rain check. I was bored and wanted to see you. Don't worry my home work is in the car." He looked gorgeous leaning against the door.

"Good boy. Come, I was just starting dinner." I motioned for him to follow me in the kitchen. Once I got to the sink I turned and he was in front of me already. The grin on his face made him light up from the inside. Like his heart was the sun shining through his eyes. "What are you all cheesy for?" I asked, smiling myself.

"I have something for you. I made it." He held out a little velvet bag.

"You did? Thank you!"I grabbed it and shook the contents into my palm. I was a silver bracelet with a small wooden wolf hanging from the center.

"I made the wolf. Billy taught me when I was younger. Do you like it?" He asked. Did he really think I wouldn't?

"Jacob, I love it. I really do." He helped me put it on. It was nice and light. "Thank you, Jake."

"Sure, sure. What are we having?"

I told him as I had told Charlie and got the same response. Jake wondered around the kitchen as I cooked. I let him taste every few minutes. When I was done, we had a salad, our main course and homemade garlic bread. I had brownies in the oven when I step out of the kitchen to call Charlie.

"It's looking like another hour or so Bells. Just save me some alright. I'll see you soon. Bye." Charlie rushed it all out, so I could tell he was stressed.

When I went back in the kitchen Jacob had made himself useful. He had gotten out the plates, silverware, all the stuff to set the table. I served us food. I gave Jake enough for a small family. That's why I made sure to make a lot. He seemed to like it, we ate in silence until the timer for the brownies went off.

I served him a huge slice of the pan and added a big scoop of vanilla ice cream. After he choked that down he sat back and looked quite satisfied. He grinned and said, "You will make a great wife someday. Some guy will be lucky to have you cook like that everything for them."

"Yea don't hold your breath. I'll probably just be here cooking for Charlie all my life." I spoke loud so he would see the underlined message.

"Oh, well you'll cook for me right?" Jake asked.

"Sure, you keep coming over during the week. I'm always in here, same time." I said and I turned to look at him. He didn't have the same happy look on his face. But he started collecting the dishes.

I made Charlie a bowl of salad and a plate of dinner and put them in the fridge. The brownies got left in the pan, I covered them with plastic wrap and put a small note on top saying 'Ice Cream'. Dad would get the hint.

We finished cleaning, talking only a little. Jake seemed caught up in his thoughts and I didn't want to bug him.

Something warm on my shoulder startled me. Jake had his hand on my shoulder and a small smile on his face when I turned. He said nothing, I said nothing. We just stared into each other's eyes. Both of us had the same wondering look on our faces. I could see mine mirrored in his eyes.

After a good five minutes had passed, I found myself devastated. This boy, my best friend, wants me to be his love. I can see it in his eyes. He is looking at me, falling harder and faster ever moment. I love him, I do. But he is right. I am not "in love" with him. His comments made me think, I don't want to be any ones wife! Did he already want me to be his? I can't do that. Even if it wasn't Jacob, even if it was...him, marriage isn't something I ever see myself doing. Especially after the love I had...and lost. But what about Jake?

"Jake. You know I love you." It was a statement not a question.

"Sure, sure. You know I love you Bella." That I did know. I nodded my head. Even though I could not be with the one I truly was in love with, I will allow Jake to be.


	4. Chapter 4 Cabin Fever

Chapter 4

Cabin fever

June was an extra rainy month. Here we are five days away from July, and it's been raining since the second day of the month. This has meant that Jacob and I have been spending most our time indoors. Graduation took place at the beginning of the month, and since then I've been laying around, going to work, laying around, cooking, and bumming around. It's getting really old.

Since there weren't any vampires left in Forks, Jake got to spend most of his time human. The pack still ran patrol on a regular basis. Jacob and Charlie were buddy-buddy again. When we were in La Push, we spent most of our time either in Jakes garage, or at Sam and Emily's. But at my house, Jake just wanted to watch whatever game Charlie was watching. So when we hung out in the living room I did a lot of reading.

A few days back, Jake and I made a long and wet trip to Olympia. I made it to a few book stores and picked up 'The Guernsey Literary and Potato Pie Society.' It's okay so far, better then reading everything I own again.

Occasionally Charlie would let Jake and I in my room; door open, to use the computer. Because of Jakes frequent days away from school, he had summer school. Fifty percent of it was done online, so I helped him as much as I could.

Sam and Emily are going to be getting married this Fourth of July. It's Emily's birthday too. The ceremony is taking place on the Makah reservation. That's where Emily is from and where her family still lives. I was extremely surprised when Jake told me the whole pack was going. But Billy wasn't.

"Billy finds it really uncomfortable to be away from home long. It would be too hard to come get him and drive back and forth on the wedding day." Jacob explained.

"I'll ask Charlie what his plans are. I know he's not going to let me so stay with you for four days with no parents. I can make the drive up on the fourth. Maybe Billy, Charlie and I can drive up together." I suggested. Really I didn't want to stay four nights, any nights away from home. What if I had a nightmare? What if my internal, emotional wound started eating at my guts?

"Yea I defiantly want one of them with you at all times while I'm gone. I feel uneasy not leaving at least one of the guys down here to watch you." he said.

"Don't you worry. I can stay out of harm's way for a few days." I said. I went back to cooking my fried chicken and mashed potatoes, Jake returned to whatever game he was watching. Truthfully I don't know what I am going to do while Jake is gone.

Each time I was with Jacob, I felt warm. Comfortable. Every time he would leave me, I felt cold. Empty. When I was alone, I would think of...Him. Too much. Then when I am with Jake again it's harder to cheer up because I was cold for so long. I'd remember Jake isn't the real key to my true happiness. He's just a spare. I hate thinking of him like that but cold me couldn't help it. But then, the more time I spent with Jacob, he eventually warms me up again. With his smile, jokes and innocent flirting.

Charlie came home a few minutes after Jake and I sat to eat.

"What's up Jake? You're eating here again? MMmm smells good, how's the chicken?" Charlie grabbed a piece of chicken and leaned against the counter.

"Hiya Charlie, you know it's good food when I'm around. Bella whips out her magic wand when I'm over for dinner." Jacob joked with my dad.

"Don't feel too privileged, she cooks like this for me every night. You wish you were so lucky." Charlie walked out of the kitchen.

Jakes face told me, yes, he does wish that.

When we were done eating and cleaned the kitchen, Jake went to join Charlie in the living room. "I'm going to be in my room okay." I said to Jacob

"What's wrong?"

"I'm getting a little bored with the living room. I'm going to clean up my room a little. Go enjoy the game."

"Are you sure? Do you want to go do something?" he asked.

"No way, it's dumping buckets out there. Seriously, your okay, go, enjoy." I leaned up and kissed him on the shoulder.

"Ok." he turned and went.

My room was overly cluttered. I collected the dirty clothes, separated the papers and books on my desk, and made my bed. It felt a little better in here. But I still felt cabin fever or something.

Just then the phone rang. I was going to run down and get it, but I figured it was Billy and I knew one of them would answer it. Sure enough Charlie got it on the fifth ring.

"Hello!" he paused. After half a minute of silence, he continued, "You're kidding me"? Where at? About how much do you think it is?" Silence again. "Yea I'll be there soon. That just sucks." Charlie hung up the phone sounding sad.

I was standing at the top of the stairs as Charlie was heading up to his room. "What's wrong dad?"

"That was Greg down at station. About 5 miles down the 101, a sand tanker tipped over. He says about every grain of sand spilled all over the high way." He didn't bother to shut his door to put his uniform on, while I stood in the hallway and listened to him talk. "It just figures the week Mark is on vacation, we get something like this. Michael and I can't clean this all up...in the pouring rain...by our selves...at this hour.

His face was bright red. He was getting himself all worked up before he even scopes out the scene. I think he was just mostly upset about whatever games he would be missing. I came down the stairs with him to get him his heavy coat.

"Well hopefully it was a small truck." I was trying to cheer him up. He threw me a look.

"Hey Charlie," Jake yelled before he walked out the door. "If you need some help, give me a call. I'll ask some of the guys to come help. They'd be useful with a shovel."

"That's not a bad idea. I'll call you when I check it out." Charlie closed the door behind him, but before Jake or I could move, he rushed back through it. "Hey you two better behave your selves. I mean it."

"Dad, yeah I know." I gripped.

"Jake!" Charlie snapped his head as he spoke.

"Charlie! Yes sir. If you don't call for my help I'll leave at ten sharp."

"Alright. Don't forget! Watch your selves" and he was out the door again.

As I walked back up to my room, I half expected Jacob to return to the TV But he was following me up the stairs. When we were in my room he made himself comfortable on my bed. I went back to mindless organizing.

After I was done putting clothes on hangers, Jacob called for me to sit on the bed with him. I sat on the end and brought my legs into sitting style. Jacob was laying with his feet hanging off.

"How are ya Bells? I haven't seen you smile in a few weeks, you happy?" Jacob looked worried as he spoke, and ran his fingers over my toes.

"I'm fine." I said, a little confused by his question. "Maybe it's all the rain. But I smile, "what are you talking about?"

"I see you smile sometimes, but I just don't see happiness behind it. Sometimes I'll do or say something that I think would make you all cheesy, and you'll smile a bit, But then your eyes wonder and the smile fades. Like whatever I just did, reminded you of something else. I don't know, I could be crazy." Jacob spoke to me with his head down.

"Jacob." I took a deep breath so my voice wouldn't shake. "You make me incredibly happy. I don't know I guess...my mind...it just races sometimes." I was blushing, so I kept my head down too. Jacob knew me so well. I felt bad, lying. I wasn't completely happy. I believe he knows it too.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked.

"No!" I threw myself into his arms, now I was laying down too. "It gets cold when you're gone. I'm not very happy when I'm cold." I gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"Okay, I'll stay." he smiled.

Jacobs hands twisted in my hair and we were kissing. When I'm kissing Jacob, I start sweating. His lips on mine, make me extremely hot.

After a few minutes of softly kissing. Jake put both hands on my hips and pulled me on top of him. My heart started racing. I could feel it pounding in my chest. We kept kissing and Jakes hands were all over my body. Every place he touched my skin it felt hot. As if my blood was boiling under my flesh.

All this heat, radiating from his lips and hands, was getting to be to much to handle. I wasn't ready for this kind of activity."Jake." I whispered with my first available breath.

He sighed, but stopped and let me climb off of him. "You know Charlie would kill you if he busted us like that. You like coming over here don't you?"

"Yea, your right, I just enjoy this alone time too much. I am going to miss you while I'm away. I wish I could just go and come back. Stupid rehearsal dinner and tux fitting." Jake complained.

"Its only four days Jake. We'll both survive. Oh I can't wait to see you in a fitted tuxedo." I bent over and gave him a kiss before jumping off the bed. "Hey I've got the stuff for sundaes, want one?"

"Hell yes! You know it!" Jake seemed just as excited as an eight year old would be.

Jake had hot fudge and strawberry, while I had just strawberry.

"That was good Bella, thanks." he said.

The shrill of the phone ringing startled me, and Jacob giggled.

I got up to answer it, "Hello!"

There was nothing, no sound. "Hello? Is anyone there?" I asked

Nobody answered me, but I listened very hard. I said, "Ok, good bye then."

I kept my ear to phone for one more moment, Jake shouted "Who is it?" Just then I heard someone exhale. Instantly I felt shivers down my spine.

"Hello!" I said again anxiously. And the phone went dead. Why would someone prank call me?

Charlie came barging in the door just then. Thunder and lightning crashed as he opened the door. Because my heart rate was already racing, his entrance made me jump and scream. Dad and Jake laughed at me at the same time.

"Was that you that just called?" I asked, taking the attention of myself.

"No, I was just walking up. It wasn't me." Charlie replied.

That really confused me. Why would someone do that? Maybe Billy was trying to get a hold of Jake. But why wouldn't he just speak to me then. It was quite clear someone was on the other line listening.

"How'd it go chief? Didn't get a call from you, must not have been that bad." Jacob said.

"Actually, it's strange. I drove about ten miles, both ways on the 101. Nothing. No tipped over truck, no sand. So I went to the station. Greg wasn't even there tonight, Michael was. And he said he never called, never heard anything about a sand truck. I called Greg at home, he never heard such a thing."

How odd. I had been standing at the top of the stairs listening to Charlie on the phone. He sounded genuinely surprised by the news he was called with. Did somebody call here to get Charlie out of the house? Then call to see if I was here alone? Maybe...Victoria had friends, she had Laurent after all. Friends that she told about her plan to end my life. Have her friends now come to avenge her? Oh great.

Charlie walked over to the phone and dialled three numbers. He started scribbling on the message pad. "Do you know anyone with the area code 907?" he asked as he walked to an encyclopaedia. I'm assuming to check where that area code is at.

"No." I could only remember about four phone numbers. None of them started with 907."Oh. Dad, someone had called and hung up, right before you walked in. It's not the number you got your phone call from."

His head popped up from the book and he looked surprised. "Alaska?"

"Alaska?" I repeated.

"Yeah, I dialled *69 and the numbers area code was from Alaska. I'm going to call it back." Charlie got on the phone to call it back, while I thought again about who could call from Alaska and why. Again I thought, Victoria, she was friends with Laurent who was friends of a coven in Denali. The Denali friends, I assume would know I'm unprotected.

"Humph." Charlie said as he hung up the phone. "Says that number is no longer available. It was just less than 10 minutes ago they called. Something funny is going on."

"Defiantly." Jacob and I said at the same time.

The three of us hung out and talked in the kitchen while I made dad a sundae. Jacob had another also. I sat with them, trying not to over think things and worry anybody. Jake is leaving in a few days, I didn't need him worried about someone's friends, coming to get me while he's gone. If someone came to get me it is better Jakes gone.

I was dreaming of doors. A round room with six doors. All the same, thick wood with two large ovals carved on the top and bottom. As I would head to open one, the knob would turn. Slower and slower, then faster until I would finally grab it and yank the door wide open. Nothing would be there. No one was turning the knob. The doors would slam shut every time I ran to the next. It was the view from my bed room window. It was dark, seems as if it just rained. There was nothing but dead silence. I'd look, not knowing what I'm looking for, then it was on the next door. My dream self was getting anxious and whiney. Each time I found nothing I would sob.


	5. Chapter 5 Hot Day

Chapter 5

Hot day

I was woken to knocks on my door before I could find anything in my dream. Charlie peeked his head in. "Hey Bella, you up?" he asked.

"I am now. What's up?"

"The sun is out. No clouds, no rain in sight. I'm going to go check in at the station then head out to the water. I bet all the fish will be going crazy after all this rain."

"What time is it? I said as I pulled myself out of bed.

"It's eight. Sorry it's early, just wanted to tell you I was going." he apologized.

"No that's OK. Jakes heading out of town tomorrow, if it's sunny I want to spend some time with him. Outdoors." I was hoping Jake is up already.

"Ok. Be safe, see you for dinner." Charlie waved goodbye and shut my door.

I walked around my room, gathering my things for a shower. After I was cleaned up and ate, against my better judgment, I laid down on my bed to think about last night. The strange phone calls we'd gotten. Why would somebody call and tell Charlie all that if it wasn't true. And my prank caller, if someone took the time to call, why wouldn't they just speak?

After about twenty minutes, I only kept thinking of the same thing. Only one thing made any sense. Somebody had friends, who wanted to finish the job. I being the job. I couldn't think of it anymore, I'd be seeing Jake today and I don't want him worried over me. I ran down stairs and grabbed my shoes and coat. There may be no rain now, but I'm sure it wouldn't be long before it returned.

I was startled to find Jake standing on the porch. He looked worried or angry. His nose was wrinkled, he was sniffing all around him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I was running over here, and I thought I caught a vampire scent." Oh no! "It was very faint a few miles north of here. But it was gone quickly, I'm just trying to see if I can pick it up again. Making sure I don't smell it around the house."

"But there are no more vampires left in Forks!" as much as I hated that, I knew it was true.

"I know, that's why I'm so cautious. Who knows, maybe it was a wonderer, but it's gone. I can't find any trace of it left. At least the rain is good for something. Cleaning the forest of that stink." Jake looked disgusted.

Jake walked in the kitchen with me and helped himself to two packages of pop tarts. "What do you want to do today?" I asked Jake.

"Nothing much, he yawned "I'm tired."

"Aww, Jake. Seems like we've been inside for a month. It's nice outside. Let's do something!" I griped.

"Alright, alright." he said smiling "I gotta take my stuff to Sam's, so he can take it in his truck for the trip."

"Great, let's go!"

At Sam's place there wasn't much to do. I was quickly bored. Jake looked at me, feeling me be a bummer. He smiled huge.

"Bella, it's a beautiful July day. Wanna go cliff jumping? Its gotta be like 75degrees today!" He looked like the good ol' Jake again.

"Awesome. Yes." Oh danger, how I have forgotten you!

'"Let's go!" he said eagerly and we were off. That fast and we were heading up the side of a mountain.

This was a different cliff then the one I jumped from before. Jake was saying something about doing it off this side, the wind wouldn't get us.

He was right, there wasn't even a breeze, everything looked so still. We were a little lower and the water didn't look so scary. It was crystal clear blue. There were no waves crashing to the rock wall nor any on the beach.

We took off our shoes, my jewellery, and his shirt. I squeezed his hand and he had a huge smile, "On three, OK." he said.

We started counting at the same time; still holding hands, then jumped.

The wind smelt so good. I didn't scream I wanted to enjoy the fall. We crashed into the water at amazing speed. It was surprisingly warm. I'd say about room temperature.

My body was twisting and turning in every direction. Honestly it felt good. I had a hold of Jakes hot hand, and I could feel him pulling us. When we broke through the surface, it was too soon. I could have enjoyed that body water massage until I ran out of breath. Jake had lead us to one of the big rocks not too far from the coast. It was about the size of a small car. He pulled himself up then reached for me, pulling me up to him effortlessly.

The sun was directly above us. Warming us. Jake lay back leaning on his long muscular arms, his legs stretched out in front of him. I crawled up to him. Sitting myself between his legs, my back to his bare chest. I was in Capri pants, so I rolled them up a little bit, to get some sun on my legs. Having my back to Jake, felt just as hot as having my chest to the sun. Jacob started rubbing my shoulders. I felt so relaxed, like pudding in his hands.

He went from rubbing my shoulders, down my arms then back up. His hands moved down my back. Then he was just lightly brushing his finger tips down the sides of my back, then back up the middle. I absolutely melt against his body. Then, Jacob pulled up my shirt just enough to expose my torso. And his fingers traced lines across my stomach. The heat from his fingers was slightly warmer than the beating sun. Both of his hands went down slowly and started massaging my hip bone. Not hard but with enough pressure that it made me get butterflies in my tummy. I giggled.

"This was a perfect idea Jacob. I'm going to miss you. Four days seems like forever." Although inside I knew four days was nothing compared the separation I've felt. Still feel.

"I'm going to miss you too Bells. I'll be home before you know it." By now he just had his arms wrapped around me.

After a good hour or so of just laying there sweating my butt off. I felt like I was going to pass out if I got anymore heat. I'm sure to have a burn tomorrow. Jake must have gotten the picture. I was covered in sweat.

"Are you ready to go babe?" He asked?

"Yea I think I am. Would you like to come over for a goodbye dinner?"

"Ok, thanks honey. I'm glad I got you smiling again before I leave." Jake said.

"I told you, I think it had a lot to do with the rain." I know it had a lot to do with the fact Jake and I had seen each other all day every day. I had little time to think alone. "I'll race you to the shore!" I challenged.

"Ha!" he laughed out loud. "I'll give you a head start."

I jumped in and started swimming. Seemed to take a few minutes to reach the beach. As my head came out of the water, I turned back to look for Jake. After a few minutes, I didn't see anything moving in the water.

Loud hysterical laughter made me twirl around. Jacob was already on the beach, sitting on a piece of drift wood. I walked up slowly to him. A huge grin plastered on his face.

"I waited until you were almost done to jump in. And I still beat you!"

I just stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed again.

Since it was so nice out, I got the BBQ from the shed. I seasoned up some pork chops and corn on the cob to grill. Jake put down six pork chops and 3 corn before he asked for dessert. Unfortunately, all I had was yogurt, no granola. So Jake passed. Charlie was still out fishing.

Jake went out back to the forest to phase. Just to see if any of the guys needed him. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, Jacob was in my room. I walked in and he immediately started kissing me. It was getting intense. And before I knew it we flopped onto my bed.

I had been thinking about this. What to do when our relationship go to this point. Kissing, it felt nice. But I can't bring myself to go ...all the way with Jacob. My lips were slowing, and his were getting more urgent. He had his body positioned on top of me, using his arms for support not to crush me.

He used his knee to move my right leg up, and positioned his body between my legs. When I started gasping for air, he moved his frantic lips to my cheek, jaw and up to my ear lope and back again.

I needed to stop this. To tell him I was not ready. Tell him he was not the one... My lungs couldn't come up with the air to speak.

Now Jakes kissing had moved to my collar bone. It felt like warm spots coming and going across my neck and shoulders. I just laid there, I couldn't talk because Jake had me flustered. Out of nowhere, ever so softly, the smoothest velvet voice came sweetly to my ear.

"Bella...Please. Please don't." My hands flew up on Jacob's chest. "Okay." I said to my internal angel. Jacob stopped abruptly.

"Did I make you mad?" he wondered.

"No. It just seemed like you were taking the situation to a level I'm not ready for." My eyes became full of tears.

Jake sighed heavy. "Bella, Bella. I would never ask you to do something you didn't want to. I just thought you were feeling it too."

"It did feel ...incredible. I'm just not trying to go there." I said.

"I know." He answered and turned his head towards the window. "Charlie's here."

We got down into the kitchen seconds before Charlie came in. I fed him, then we all sat in some chairs out front. Enjoying twilight. It was a beautiful July evening. Jake is leaving in the morning. I'm glad we had a good night to send him off for four days.

I am not looking forward to the cold internal blizzard that waits for me.


	6. Chapter 6 Traveling Thoughts

Chapter 6 Travelling thoughts

It has been only thirty hours since Jacob has been gone. Yesterday I went to Angela's house to help her bake cookies for her dad's church. We laughed, talked and spent some good girl time together. It was a perfect girls day. Except for one uncomfortable conversation I was not expecting.

"So Ben and I, well, did it. After graduation." Angela had her head down but a huge smile on her face.

"Really! That's well...Congrats?"

"Haven't you and Jacob?" she asked.

"No! I mean no. I'm not ready for that." I felt the scarlet sheet cover my face. "Did you really think that we had?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said that. I just assumed, you guys seem to spend all your time together at your place and I know your dad works all day. I'm sorry I really didn't mean to offend you."

I changed the subject immediately.

Today I was laying around in my bed thinking about the night before Jacob left. I can only imagine the embarrassment Id caused him by rejecting him. That couldn't have felt good. But what other choice did I have? Sex... with Jacob... wasn't an option. Or was it?

I never imagined Id be one to save myself for marriage. Somebody special was bound to cross my path one day, and I'd know that he's the one. But my one already came and left.

If...Edward, had been human, there's no doubt in my mind I could have, would have given myself to him at the right time.

I got the shivers. Thinking about Edward and I in a sexual relationship, that thought was just as farfetched as me becoming a vampire. Never going to happen, a lost hopeless wish.

There should be no more hope left in my system for the dream of happily ever after with Edward. I had a now. Jacob wants me. Edward didn't. If Jake is what I had now, maybe it could work in the future too. He has indeed crossed my path.

Now I felt like a jerk. I could want Jake like that too. It wouldn't be hard, my feelings were at least half way there. I shouldn't have turned him down like that. But then I slip back into empty hopes.

My Edward voice. Sweetly begging me not to cross the line. His voice echoed in my head, full of love and worry. My heart started to thud inside of the hollow cave in my chest. It felt heavy, as if it were being torn in two. Why did I hear him that night? I wasn't doing anything dangerous. Maybe I was. Maybe I should cling to some shred of hope that I could be with him again. Maybe give myself to him. I wouldn't have to settle.

Stupid heart and its stupid false hopes. I needed to get out of my room, out of this house. Clear my head. I need something to occupy my day. Tomorrow is the wedding, I'd be seeing Jake. That's the only thing that was stopping myself from letting the coldness consume me.

A drive to Port Angeles would keep me busy. And I could get an outfit to wear tomorrow. Perfect. I called Charlie to let him know I would be leaving.

I stopped at the gas station to fill up and I ran into Mike.

"Sup Arizona" he yelled from the side of a shiny black car.

"Hey Mike. Where's your suburban? This can't be yours?" I asked as I walked over.

He fetched a single key from his pocket. "Graduation present."

"No way! This is a pretty sweet car!" I don't know cars but this thing looked special.

"I had about eight grand saved up, and my parents picked up the rest. It's my baby." his smile never left his face as he spoke.

"What kind of car is this?"

"It is a 2008 Lexus SC 430. I got it all done custom for me. Rims and tires, stereo, tint, pin-striping inside and out. I need to find the perfect name for her." he boosted.

"You name your cars?" I was honestly shocked. "I thought guys only did that in the movies."

He laughed, "I've never had a car I was so proud of. I've never named one before. But she's special."

"When did you get her?" I teased.

"Two days ago. She was in a shop in Seattle since before graduation." he pet his car like a kitten. "Hey what are you up to today?" he asked.

"Taking a trip to Port Angeles. I need an outfit for a wedding. I'm pretty bored to want to go shopping."

"I can... take you?" Mike asked sheepishly. "Well I need to get something's from there and I haven't really been able to test her out. What do you say?"

I didn't feel like being rude to Mike, I could tell he really wanted to show off his car. Plus having some company might stop my mind from wondering. "What the hell!" I said.

"Awesome. Should we take your truck back to your place?"

"Yeah. I'll have to call Charlie, let him know."

Charlie was fine with me going with Mike. As long as we were back before dark.

I put my seat belt on right way when I was in the car with Mike. He went the speed limit inside town, but once we were on the road, his iron foot took over.

We didn't talk much he had to keep all of his concentration on the road. I felt like laughing at him. He had a small smile on his face and beads of sweat on his forehead. As we neared city limits he slowed down.

"That was fun. Real smooth ride." I said as we stepped out of the car. We were now at Swains General Store. "What do you need to get out here?"

"Um. A key chain." He answered.

"Mike. You could have gotten a key chain from your parent's store." I pointed out.

"I know, I want something different. Plus I wanted to really hit the pavement with Dolly."

"Dolly?" I said shaking my head.

"No?"

"She's not a Dolly."

"What about Paula?" he asked.

I could not help but laugh out loud. "She's no Paula either. This car is more of a Tiffany or Monique." I suggested.

"You're not so great at this either." We laughed as we walked in the store.

I searched the women's section for well over an hour, looking for the perfect thing. My choices were limited but I was able to find 3 things to try on. The first was a green and gray dress. It made me look frumpy and aged. Next was a black and white skirt and jacket. When I tried it on, it looked as if I was a banker. I didn't like it. But the third was just perfect.

I tried on the silky brown and red dress, and fell in love. The top was solid milk chocolate brown and the bottom had a print of red roses and red peacock feathers. It was sleeveless and the shoulders were crunched up on the top. I liked this dress because the brown made my eyes sparkle (so said Mike) and the neck dove really deep.

This was sure to impress Jake. I thought maybe I should attempt some heels. But every pair in the store was way too high. I was able to find a small brown wedge shoe. The shoes matched perfectly and I wouldn't kill myself.

For the first time in my life, I had coordinated my own outfit. And it looked really good actually. My tummy fluttered with butterflies thinking of how Jake would enjoy my dress.

Mike had gotten a keychain. It was a tiny tire rim. It very nearly matched his actual rims. He seemed to be so proud of himself.

"Should we head back home? Or is there anything else you need while were here?" Mike wondered as we drifted back to his car.

"Actually, I spent more than enough money today. Besides I've got to get something for dinner before it's too late."

"Yea that's fine. Let's go." he seemed bummed.

"Was there anything else you needed?" I said trying to cheer him up.

"Nah. I'm good."

He showed off his stereo system as we took off. The windows on the shops we passed rattled, and everyone's head look toward us as the bass hit. After a few songs, he turned it down, "What are you doing this fall?" he asked.

"Um. Well, I don't know. I missed the dead lines on just about every school I'm sure. To be honest I haven't thought about it at all." That was true. Since school was out, Id only had work, home, and Jake. I hadn't taken the time to think what could have been out in the world for me. "What about you Mikey? Where are you and Patty going?"

"Ha, Patty. Wrong again. We are going to California State University-Northridge. I think I'd like to get a Masters in computer science." he answered.

"Wow. I really hope that works out for you. I really feel like a bum. There could be lots of things to go out and do in the world, and I've just been sitting around here letting the rain drown me." I couldn't believe this, I was mopping.

"You'll go somewhere, do something, become a somebody Bella. I'm sure of it. I mean there's nothing really holding you back right?"

"I don't know, I guess just myself."

"How are things going with you and what's his name, the kid from La Push?" Mike asked timidly.

"Jacob." I added.

"Yeah Jacob. You guys still seeing each other?"

"Yes. Things are good. He's in summer school so that he can be a senior this year. His friend Sam is getting married tomorrow, so he's out of town."

"Is that why you need the outfit?"

"Yes." I smiled, "I think I did a good job picking out something cute."

"You sure did" he said.

We sat quietly as we closed into town.

I had myself thinking, why was I just sitting around while everything passed me by? Jake still had one year of school left. I can't simply sit around Forks in hopes that he even finishes. If anything, that may set me up to never leave.

My heart clouded my head. I've been waiting for...him, to come back. Even if I didn't have Jake, I'd probably still be here waiting for him to show up. I'd be in far worse shape if it wasn't for Jacob though.

I felt a little down now. I ask Mike to take me by the grocery store before taking me home. I got things for tacos. I thanked Mike for the ride and the company.

"No problem Bella. We will have to get together before I leave for Cali." he called to me from the car.

"Yeah, definitely Mike. Let me know when you decide on a name. Bye!"

As I walked in the door the phone was ringing. But I didn't get to it in time. I started on making dinner. I was about to chop up tomatoes when the phone rang again.

"Hello!"

"Bella. There you are. You didn't answer today." Jake sounded worried.

"Hey Jacob. I miss you! Yeah I went out today. No rain again, can you believe it!"

"Where did you go?" he pressed.

"I went up to Port Angeles for an outfit for tomorrow. I seen my friend Mike Newton at the gas station-he got a new car- and he offered to give me a lift." I explained.

"You went out? With Mike Newton?" he said flat.

"Um yes. He wanted to show off his new car."

"To you?" he asked with attitude.

"Yes." I answered with attitude right back. "Do you feel threatened by Mike Newton?"

"No of course not. You're not going to just up and fall in love with someone else because I'm away." he said.

"Jake, it was a ride. Nobody's falling in love, okay."

It was quiet for a minute before he spoke.

"What time are you coming tomorrow?"

"Well I was planning on leaving my house around 5:am to pick up Billy. Charlie won't be coming. Then we can head out to you." I told him.

"Ok, that might be a little early, leave at maybe six thirty. Um, Billy wont like being up here for that long." Jake seemed to be insisting.

"Alright, whatever." I said. Just the Charlie walked in the door. "I have to go Jake, gotta finish dinner."

"Ok Bella bye." he hung up quick.

"Bye" I said into the empty receiver. Was he really mad I went with Mike? That's not like Jake.

I fed my dad and cleaned up after. I told him about my plans for the morning. He apologized for not going, he couldn't get out of something's at the station.

We wished each other goodnight before he went to the TV and I to my room.

I tried on my dress again, because I was just dang excited about the good job I did. The dress was a nice fit, hugging my body tight except where it hung a little loose right above my knee. I twirled in front of the mirror for a little while making the roses and feathers look like they were floating on top of the silk.

When I was done I nicely set the dress on my chair and set the shoes on the desk.

I crawled into bed wearing just a t-shirt. It felt nice and warm tonight. My eyes slipped shut and I was soon dreaming. Again I was in the room with the doors. The very same doors. But the handles were not spinning this time. I turned and opened the closest door to me.

Instead of it being the view from my bedroom window again, it was an ocean at night. The moon was out and full, big bright beautiful stars were everywhere as far as the eye could see. Waves crashing and wind blowing the trees. This view seemed to hold no interest for me. And I moved on to the next.

This scene was different. I looked out to a busy city. It looked down as if I were standing on top of a sky scrapper. Cars driving by, people walking down the sidewalks and running to catch buses. Again, I seen nothing that I liked, so I closed that door.

The third door was some small European town. I could tell it was Europe, by the small white houses with red-orange slanted roof tops. All the buildings were snuggled up against the side of a mountain. A small church was on the outskirts of town. A narrow river led to a lake next to the church. I was bored looking here after a few seconds and changed doors.

Behind the fourth door was a scene I knew. It was Arizona. Just a long look into the distance. A beautiful picture like sun set. Blue up top, with red, pink and orange fading onto the flat horizon. I could see cactus plants and birds flying. I'd seen this before and it could not seem to hold my attention again.

View number five was breath taking. The snow was falling lightly, it was almost dark, I could see lots of little twinkling lights around me. I was in the lawn, looking up at the Eiffel Tower. It was lit up like a huge metal Christmas tree. But now I knew there was one door left, so I hurried to see what it was without giving this current door a second glance.

But this final door made me want to walk away. It wasn't what I was expecting to see, nothing special. Just the Blacks house in La Push. The middle of another rainy day.

I closed that door and stepped back looking at all the possibilities. The urge to move to one specific door was over whelming. My body turned and looked in the way of my personal desire. Then the door opened by its self and I took off running, jumping into the picture. The door stayed wide open.


	7. Chapter 7 Admiration

Chapter 7

Admiration

Even through the annoying buzz of my alarm clock, I could tell I woke up in a generally good mood. A smile was already plastered on my face before I even opened my eyes. I felt felt completely satisfied and well rested.

It is five thirty in the morning and I will be seeing Jake in just a few hours.

Just then I had this vision of me in my dress and Jake in a tux dancing together. As fast as the thought came, it was gone. I knew myself better than that, I can't dance to save my soul. Jake is sure to ask me to dance, I wont tell him no. I'll give it my best shot; we shared a dance once, he should know what Im capable. Better yet, not capable of.

For breakfast I made myself a bowl of scrambled eggs, then showered. After my shower, I ran a fist full of mousse through my wet hair and pulled it up, and around tight into a bun on the top of my head. Then I sprayed the ball of hair with some hair spray. In a few hours when I let it down it will look like I had spent a long time making the perfect loose curls. I put on a button up shirt and a pair of cut off jeans. Hopefully I can find a bathroom to change in.

My room was a mess so I picked it up a bit. It seems as I've been up forever and it's only six fifteen. I decided Id stop by the station to let Charlie know I was heading out.

I grabbed my things for the day, a few granola bars and juices for Billy and I to share on the way up. One of my shoes was hiding under my bed and the other in the bathroom, when I found them both I couldn't get them on fast enough. My mind was already on the road.

As I walked in the front doors of the poice station, I seen dad and deputy Mark playing cards at the front desk.

"Thought you had official police business to tend to today." I joked as I walked over to the,.

"Were waiting on the call, don't you worry. I hope your not wearing that!" Charlie pointed.

"No. I've got something nice, don't you worry. I just wanted to stop and tell you goodbye. Ill see you this evening."

"Have fun and be safe." he said. "Tell Billy hello, tell Sam and Emily congrats for me."

"I will, see ya dad." I waved goodbye and headed out.

I had filled up yesterday while I was talking to Mike, so I was good on gas. At least for the drive up there.

When I got the house, Billy was already dressed and ready to go. He offered me coffee or a soda. I took the soda to try and keep my alert for the drive. I helped him to the truck and put his chair in the back. I kept Billy busy asking short questions.

Id never heard much of Jacobs mom. I didn't want to seem rude, but I was honestly curious.

"Billy, what happened to your wife? Jakes never talks about her." I asked timidly.

"No, you can't expect Jake to talk about Sarah. He was only two when she did. I think he's angry he has no memories of her, that his time was cut short with her."

"What happened to her?"

"A car accident. She and I were coming home from a doctors appointment. There was a bee in the car that hit us, the driver was trying to get it out the window. And they smashed into us, coming around the curb on the mountain. My Sarah died, as well as the other driver. His name was Tom, I met his wife and believe he was a good hearted man. His 13 year old son Victor, was in the back seat. He survived." he told me somberly.

"And...is that why you are in a wheelchair?" I regretted that as soon as I asked. My curiosity could have been considered rude.

"No. That's not why. I did a lot of drinking and did not take care of my self in the early days of my marriage. I ignored my health for so long...diabetes took my legs. Luckily not my life.

"I was able to come away from the accident with out a scratch on me. The driver side of both cars collided. Took them both out immediately. The kid he actually helped out of our car. I wish I would have kept in touch with him, seemed like a great kid."

Now that my heart was thudding with the sorrow I felt for my family friends, I definitely regretted this talk. I shouldn't be making Billy sad right before a wedding.

"How did you meet your Sarah?" I quickly asked. "When did you know she was the one? The mother of your children?"

A brilliant smile flashed across his face, and I seen where Jacob got it from."Oh, I met that girl on the beach. I was hanging around with some friends of mine, she and her sister got pushed into the freezing water. I didn't do it of course but because I was laughing with my buddies, she hated all of us. But that following summer I ran into her at the beach again. I was alone and she was with her sister. We started talking and never separated.

"We married the next summer right on the beach. I think in the nine years we were together we spent maybe six days apart. Sarah was my angel. Three years after we were married we had our first children, our twin daughters. Those girls looked exactly like her.

"Then another three years later we had our son. Came out looking just like me! She had such a hard pregnancy with him. He was just so huge, 11lbs 8ozs. I knew if she could be so strong to support that huge boy during pregnancy she must be a strong women. And I knew my son would be strong, never did I imagine the strength he'd be capable of." he beamed happiness as he spoke.

"Wow that is a huge baby. Did you think, when she was pregnant that the wolf legends were true?" I asked.

"I did. But I did not think for a second that it would fall upon myself or my son. There were no vampires around during my adolescence, so I never made the change. I assumed that meant it was lost in the genes long ago. When I learned my wife was giving me a son, it never crossed my mind."

Billy seemed lost in thought for a moment. When he spoke again he seemed sad. "I wonder if Jake has that worry? Can you believe I've never even asked my own son if he wants children. Have the two of you ever discussed that?"

"No" I blurted out. "No that's never come up."

"What about you Bella. Do you want kids?" he wondered.

"Well I don't think so. I've never been good with kids. I can't imagine a kid coming out of this." I answered.

"Oh Bella! Your too funny. Don't you think Charlie would want a grandchild some day?"

He completely caught me off guard. Never once did I think about my father wanting grandchildren. Sure I knew Renée would want them, but Charlie? He probably would want some part of him to live on. I was in fact THE only family member he had left. Could he count on me to continue his bloodline?

Billy must have noticed my train of thought slipping. THe front of my truck was steering slightly to the right.

"That was nice of you to offer bringing me. Take the burden off one of the boys." he interrupted.

"Not a problem. Im very excited to see Jacob. Im so glad he's coming home tomorrow."

"Me too." he stated.

A song came on the radio that Billy must have liked. He quieted down and started patting his hand on his knee. I used the break in conversation, looking over thoughts in my head. I wont be having children any time soon. In my eyes, there is nobody I would accept as the father of my child. No body could be good enough to bring that feeling out of me. I will never tie my self to someone, in a way I can never get out of.

I slammed my soda, upset with myself for bringing down my good mood. I didn't want to continue to bring either of us down, and I couldn't think of anything pleasant. So I stayed quiet.

A little while longer-and less time than I expected-Billy said we were getting close. He called Jacob to let him know that we were here. Jake wanted us to meet him at the park where the wedding was taking place. It would give us fourty-five minutes to hang out before the ceremony. Billy I asked Jake if we could go by the Youngs house first, but Jacob gave him some excuse about the house being full of angry bridesmaids and one major bridezilla.

As we drove down the main road Billy pointed out the turns for me to get to the park. When we pulled up in the dirt parking lot I seen three white gazebos tents decorated with white paper bells and lots of sunflowers. A wooden dance floor was constructed in the middle of all the tents. To the right of the farthest gazebo, about 50 chairs were spread out evenly. A beautiful arch was standing at the end of the chairs. Also covered in sunflowers.

I also noticed no bathroom to change in. Shoot.

Jake ran up to the truck without his usual smile. Id been so anxious to see him and he didn't look happy at all. Although he came up to the driver side window, he spoke strait to Billy.

"I'll help you get set up on the outside of the chairs, so your wheel chair isn't in the way." he turned right around and walked to the back of the truck to get the chair, without one glance at me.

I got out of the truck as he was pushing the chair to Billy. My first instinct was to run up to him and give him a great big hug, but at second glance his demeanor told me to stay away.

Jacob looked angry. Completely livid. I was surprised he wasn't shaking if he looked so pissed. THe way he was careering him self was completely defensive. His eyes were black as night and very far away. His shoulders were straight and squared like he was ready to fight. Every muscle in his arms flexed as he simply pushed the wheelchair through the grass. He turned once Billy was parked at the end of the chairs closest to the gazebos. When I looked at his face, his eyes soften up, but he still looked like he had a major problem.

"Bella, your not wearing that are you? This is special occasion." he lectured to me.

It took me a second to answer. My heart was racing, he seemed like anything would set him off. "I have a dress." I whispered. "I need somewhere to change."

"No one here yet, I'll walk over to Billy. Make it fast." he demanded.

"Jacob."

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

He sighed and said "Nothings wrong. I just feel rushed. Im sorry." he pecked me on the cheek.

I nodded and he spun around to go back to Billy. My truck was the only thing in the parking lot. I got inside and started unbuttoning my shirt, Constantly looking around to make sure no one was watching. I brought my dress over my head. Quickly I slid my pants off. Still no one was around. I grabbed my little mirror out of my bag and put on some mascara and lipstick. My hair in the bun was a little damp when I pulled it out and shook it down. A little bit of hair spray is all it needs. Carefully I leaned down and slid my shoes on.

A car drove up on the side of me, and another after that. I stepped out of the truck to adjust my dress.

Embry, Quil, Paul and Jared stepped out of the first car. I wasn't aware any of them had started speaking to Quil again. Sam was in the other car with a women I didn't know, and a few people I did know. The others were Sue, Leah and Seth Clearwater. I had not seen them since Harry had past away.

As the second car headed over towards the set up, the first car of guys were surrounding me.

"Hello Bella! Long time no see!" Quil said.

"Dang girl, you clean up real nice!" Paul abruptly shouted.

"Has Jake seen you in that. Man, that boy might want to keep you on his arm all night!" Jared told me.

"Hi Bella, what I think these lug heads meant was that you look really nice." Embry added.

"Thanks." was all I could get out.

"Isn't that what I said?" asked Paul. "Real nice!" he winked.

As expected, I could feel the heat as the blood rushed to my face. I shook my head and turned so I could put on my necklace. It fit perfectly where the dress was open against my chest. I locked up my truck and started walking back to Billy and Jake. I heard a faint whistle as I was walking, sounded like Paul. And all the guys broke out in a laugh. I smiled a little and blushed some more. More cars started pulling up to the park.

When I was walking up to the row they sat, Jake and his dad were talking real serious. They cut their conversation off as soon as I approached them.

"That was quick.: Jacob said. "Thanks."

"Yeah." I muttered. I stood next to Jake for what seemed like forever, the air was saturated with awkward silence.

"Im gonna go meet with the guys, get this think rolling." said Jake.

With out thinking, I grabbed his wrist as he turned. The expression on his face was angry shock for one split second. When he seen it was my fingers trembling on top of his fist, he relaxed and pulled me into his arms. "Love you Bella." he said before letting me go.

I watched him jog away from me. How nervous could he be to not want anything to do with me? Did he really just feel rushed? Was he still upset I went with Mike yesterday? He did seem very irritated on the phone last night.

We had never had this before. He was always the happy go lucky person, the one who could warm me with a simple smile. This mood, he's in, reminds me a lot of the beginning of his wolf days. After he had ignored me, the first time I'd seen him. This anger was familiar.

All the good feelings I had woke with were all but gone. I took my seat besides Billy. He leaned over to look at my face. "You okay Bella?"

"Im fine." I said as I tried to compose my face.

"You look very lovely young lady." he said.

"Thank you."

People started filling in the seats. Friends of Billy's came by to say hello. Before I knew if all of the seats were full and there was a man standing under the arch way. Everyone stood as the man raised his hands, palm up, towards the sky.

"Ladies and gentlemen, You must all be very special people. You are the ones Samuel and Emily have asked to share this day with. They don't take this day lightly, and neither should you. Let the love, dedication, and commitment fill the air." spoke the man, old in years. He was wearing a large tan parka with things written in white and red, that I could not read. As he lowered his hands I seen the first set of people walking down the aisle.

Dressed in a black tux with pale shimmery gold vest and tie, Quil walked down the aisle, arm in arm with a very pretty blond girl. Both of them looked extremely nervous and awkward. The kept their faces straight forward. Each only had a crooked grin on their face.

A few steps behind them, Jared was walking along side a girl much smaller than him. She had short, thin, flat black hair. Her face was looking up at Jared, and he back down at her. Their gaze never broke, not even as they approached the front. They had their hands intertwined. The look in each of their eyes was complete admiration. When It came time to walk their separate ways, the look changed to worry.

Walking down next was Embry and Leah. They were crossed at the elbows and neither looked very happy. Their pace was just a little faster then the rest, as if they couldn't wait to reach the front. I couldn't be sure, but Leah looked angry.

I turned my head around just in time to see Jake join arms with a beautiful girl. The smile on his face was truly handsome. She wore the same dress as the other girls, yet it looked entirely different on her. As if her body were the muse for the designer who made it. She had a slender body with curves in just the right places. It looked shrink wrapped to fit over each curve perfectly.

The dress was the same dull shimmery gold as the guys accessories. It was a one shoulder gown that slinked all the way to the floor. Black lace covered the top of her bust, and ruffled up her right shoulder over the one strap. She looked about 5'10", I couldn't tell if she wore heels under the dress. The color of her skin was a lite-copper, the gold from the dress made her complexion look amazing. Her jet black hair hung straight down to the middle of her back like a sheet of black silk.

I saw the way Jacob was admiring her. He noticed her beauty just as I had. The look on his face was just like Jared as he starred upon her.

Then I really noticed Jacob, as he separated from his beautiful partner. The tuxedo fit him perfectly. It hugged him in all the right places, accentuating his muscles.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him, even as I noticed from the corner of my eye that Sam and Emily were walking down the aisle. Jacobs beauty had a momentary hold over me. He caught my gaze after he watched his friend, along with his bride, reach the front. He no longer had the same brilliant smile on his face but he did give me a happy grin and a wink.

The man in the front, performing the service, took their hands-which were locked together-in his. He started to chant while Sam and Emily looked deep into each others eyes, When he was finished, he began the normal marriage vows. As they were saying "I do", I leaned over to ask Billy a question.

"Who is that girl Jake walked with?"

"That is Corena Young. She is Emily's younger sister." he replied.

"She's gorgeous." I said.

And Billy said nothing.

"And who are the other girls?"

"Im not sure who the blond is. Of course you know Leah, and that's Kim, the one who walked with Jared. She works with Em and goes to school with the boys."

I looked back at the front and Jake had his brilliant smile again. I couldn't tell if he was looking at the bride and groom or at Corena. They both were wearing the same smile. Regardless of the source, Im happy to see Jacob happy again. Now that the ceremony had passed, Jake and I could have a good time. I was so looking forward to enjoying this day with him, and then getting him back home.

Just then, Sam and Emily were pronounced man and wife. As they embraced for their kiss, the whole crowd burst into applause.

Paul yelled to the audience, "Lets Party!"


	8. Chapter 8 Empty

Chapter 8

Empty

"Bella, this is Corena, Emily's sister." Jake said nervously, as the party was getting started. "Corena, my girlfriend Bella."

I was taken back a bit when the extremely beautiful girl reached out and gave me a huge hug.

"Nice to meet you Bella. I've heard a lot about you in Jakes short visit here." she told me "All good things of course. You're very cute! I love your dress!" she said looking me up and down.

"Thank you." I said cheerfully.

"I think I'm being called for pictures, I'm going to go join my family. Nice to meet you Bella."

"Ok. Nice to meet you too. Your dress is also really beautiful." I said.

"Thanks, my mom and I made all of them for Em." she said as she twirled to model the dress. I looked over at Jacob and he was blushing while he watched her. I looked back at her and figured if she made it that must be why it fits her so great.

Corena leaned in and hugged Jacob, "Make sure you dance with me just once today, okay J." she said and then planted a small kiss on his cheek. She walked off to join her family for pictures.

I'm sure it was a simple kiss from one family friend to another. But still, something in my gut knotted up when I seen her kiss him. Like I had been given some horribly bad news, yet nothing was said to me. The way Jake starred at her as she walked away let me know, there is something up here. "Jacob" I said. Nothing, he kept starring after her. I grabbed his hand, and he still didn't acknowledge me.

If this is how he is going to treat me, I'm just going to ask someone else to bring Billy home, and take off. I had kept myself hyped up for days, didn't let any coldness over whelm me, all in hopes me and Jake could have this good day. But it seemed apparent to me, Jacob developed a crush. I didn't seem to interest him any longer.

The knot in my gut was slowly churning, and moving its way up my torso. I went from feeling nervous, to sick, and now a familiar empty feeling was looming. On this beautiful July day, I fought from freezing. I let go of Jacobs hand and slowly wrapped my arm around myself. If I were alone Id fall to pieces. But I had to find it within myself to keep smiling. I was in a public place. This wasn't the best time to fall apart.

I turned to talk to Billy about getting another ride home when Jacob finally came around. His face had changed complete, he looked like the sixteen year old boy he's suppose to be. His eyes were so soft and his face totally relaxed.

"Bella" he called after me and grabbed my hands, placing his fingers between mine. "Are you hungry?"

"No Jacob. I'm not?"

"Whatcha wanna do?" he asked.

I stared at him a little confused. His mood seemed to be all over the place and he was sending me on an emotional roller coaster in the mean time. He smiled a little grin.

"I'm hungry. Let's go sit with Billy."

"Yeah. Okay." was all I could say.

I followed him to the round table, he set his coat, told me he'd be back and went off to the buffet. Billy was in conversation as I sat a few seats away. Jacob had gotten lost in the crowd on the other side of the dance floor and I could no longer see him. My arm remained around my torso.

This is not like Jacob. He was trying to act like things were normal but I could feel a difference. I could see it. He seemed so angry before, then he was radiating happiness, and he was so nervous around Corena and I. And then he got all cool and calm. He's acting like nothing's wrong, any other time I would have just told him to spit it out.

As soon as Billy was free I caught his attention before someone else would. "You just let me know when you're ready to go." I said.

"I'm having a pretty good time. It might be a while. Are you okay to stay?" he replied.

"Well I don't want to be driving at night." I answered.

"Sue can always give me a ride you know. I'm sure of it that she won't mind."

"I'll let you know when I'm good to go. It's a beautiful day, perfect for a wedding." I spoke quietly looking up at the clouds.

"Have you enjoyed yourself Bella?" Billy said.

I put my fake smile on, although he probably didn't buy it. There was no way this was enjoyable. I'm afraid of what has happened. Jacob found someone who is not pre-damaged. Things must be easier with his new friend. "Yeah Billy. I have." I lied.

"Good" he said happily."Sam and Em are coming with Jake."

Jacob sat down with two plates of food. The newlyweds were standing behind Jake. Sam had his arm extended around her shoulders and her arm rested on his waist. Her arm didn't even reach around him all the way.

The tux Sam wore was the same as his wedding party, except he wore white instead of black. He had his jacket somewhere else and his tie unfastened.

Emily's dress looked so gorgeous on her tiny frame. She looked exactly like a silk bell made of ruffles. The color was the brightest white I'd ever seen, it almost shinned in the sun. It was strapless with a band of shimmery gold around the chest, and a matching band around the very bottom of the dress. A large jewel encrusted sunflower pin rested in the middle of her chest. It had black diamond's filling the center surrounded in a solid circle of white stones. I'm not sure if it was quartz or yellow diamonds, but dozens of them filled the petals.

"Bella!" Emily said while she grabbed my hands. "Thank you for coming."

"Absolutely. It was all so beautiful. You guys look amazing."

Emily and Billy started up talking. Sam had walked around the small round table and was starring at Jacob. They seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. Emily noticed me starring off at the guys and tried to pull my attention.

"Bella, You've got a very cute outfit on." she said.

"Thank you." I wasn't in a good mood any longer and I wasn't liking the attention on me. But I wasn't going to be rude to anyone, especially on someone's wedding day. "Can you believe I picked it out myself?"

She laughed. "Well good job."

The newlyweds were getting called in every direction. I wished them congratulations from Charlie and I and they were off. I sat silently next to Jacob while he ate.

I was forcing myself to pay attention to the party around me. Know that if I let this hole overcome me, I was done for. So I watched people dance as a small band played popular hits. There weren't many couples dancing, maybe a dozen people. Most guests were still eating.

When Jake was done he found a reason to go speak to Quill-on the other side of the party. Billy's chair was faced to another table. After a few failed attempts to start a conversation with me, he moved on to some chatty couple. Looking across the way I noticed Corena had joined Jake and Quill. They were laughing and Quill hugged her, then she and Jacob started walking towards me. Jake sat next to me and she two seats from him.

"Having fun Bella?" Corena asked. I couldn't tell if she was sincerely being nice or being totally fake.

"I guess. Just a bit shy, you know." I didn't know how to respond to this girl. She was nice enough, but I could see the chemistry between her and Jake. I didn't feel happy with her because she clearly was getting affection I had waited days for.

"Do you mind if I steal Jake for a dance before they cut the cake?"

"That's up to Jake." I said sourly.

Before he even answered they both got up and walked away, catching the beginning of a new song. The longer I watched them dance the angrier I got. The tears that were short wired to my temper, started forming in my eyes. I took long deep breaths through my nose to stop them from over flowing. I thought things were fine between he and I, but I was obviously very replaceable.

I decided when they started their second dance, a slow dance that I didn't need to watch this anymore. I walked once around wedding party; everyone I knew is either dancing or talking with someone else. My heart was turning and racing all over my raw chest. I just needed to go.

Billy was back at our table with Sue when I came back around.

"Billy, I'm not feeling so great, I'm going to head home. Will you be alright?" I said.

"No worries Bella. You okay?" he asked, but the way he looked at me, he knew I wasn't.

"Not really. Please tell Jacob good bye for me."

"You're not going to say goodbye?"

"No, he's in the middle of a dance. He'll call me when he wants."

I grabbed my things, told Sam my excuse while Emily danced with her dad. I waved quickly to Quill and Embry before heading to my truck.

There was no sound to give me a warning. As I opened my door Jacobs hand was on mine.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I just can't stay any longer Jacob." I practically spat the words at him.

"Well why not?" he was surprisingly calm.

I was feeling full of attitude. I wanted to tell him to get back to his new girl, but I wasn't sure that's what she was. I wanted to tell him to just invite me back and acknowledge me. But I couldn't get any of that out.

"Just go back. I'll talk to you when you get home tomorrow."

"Um Bella." he said very innocently. "I...I can't come back tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I...I..." he sighed and looked down at the ground."Something has happened. Something that's not completely dealt with yet. If I came back now, I'd just have a bigger problem. I gotta stay here and just deal with this for now."

I stared at him. He promised me four days. Things changed completely and I couldn't stop my tears now. "How long?" I asked.

"Dunno."

That did it. Even in the presence of this overly warm person, I felt freezing cold. I spun around and got in the truck as fast as I could. I couldn't have gotten it into reverse fast enough. "Thanks a lot." I pulled out and left.

Somehow I was able to stop crying so I could drive. I was more than half way home; and even though I was pressing down the gas, my truck began to slow on its own. I was able to make it to the curb just in time for the old Chevy to die.

"Damn it!" I yelled and started crying again. After about 10 minutes of a pity party, I knew I needed to walk and find a phone. There had been a small liquor store I had past not to far back. I took off my dressy shoes, slipped on my casual shoes and started walking. I still had yet to move my arm from my torso, afraid of falling into two halves.

What was the point of me coming to this wedding? Why did Jake want me to come if he already had a new girl?

I must have brought this on to myself. I had let things go too far with him just to turn him down. Jacob is such a good person, and I've been using him. To replace someone that doesn't even want me. And now he didn't need me. He knew my heart, it's damaged. But I've been doing my best. Before today, I had felt I was doing an okay job, bringing myself out of this hole, this funk. But now, Jakes basically pushed me back down, and I was just waiting for him to start shovelling dirt upon me.

I reached the little store off the side of the high way in about 20 minutes. As I opened the door, I could smell beer, cigarettes, and woodsy candle.

The guy behind the cash register stood when the bells on the door jingled. His powder blue eyes bulged when he took me in. I blushed lightly. "Hi" he said. "Do you happen to have an ID? I can't sell you anything unless I see one."

"Oh, I'm not buying. My truck, it ran out of gas. I need to use a phone please."

"Sure!" he got the cordless phone from the self behind him.

I dialled Charlie at the station. "Forks Police. Chief Swan here."

"Dad."

"Bella hey, having fun?"

"I left. It was over whelming. Any ways, I ran out of gas. I had to walk to this store to use the phone."

"Where's Billy?" he asked.

"He stayed. Said he'd go home with the Clearwater's."

"Well, I'm sorry Bells, I can't come get you. Some people I've been waiting on just got here."

"Oh alright. I'll call a friend. I'll stop by the store when I get into town for some dinner." I said.

"No, don't do that. Were gonna BBQ and do some fireworks, wont you come by the station? Are you sure you can call someone else? I can send Mark."

"Yea I can find someone I'm sure. And I'll see you soon." I hung up, unsure of who to call then it came to me. I'd call Mike. Honestly I didn't even know his number.

"Excuse me. Do you have a phone book for Forks?" I asked the clerk.

"I do. I didn't mean to listen in, but do you need some help? There's a gas station half a mile back that way. Then I could take you to your truck." he replied. His brown hair was loose and shaggy over his powder blue eyes.

"Not suppose to take rides from strangers. Dads a cop. Its embedded in my brain" I joked.

"Call your ride then" he said as he smiled widely handing me the slim white book.

I quickly looked up the Newton's home number, and no one answered. So I flipped the pages and found the Newton's store. I was happy to hear Mike answer.

"Newton Outfitters. Mike speaking." he answered with no enthusiasm.

"Hi, It's Bella. Are you on the clock right now?"

His voice picked up. "Actually no. What's up?"

"I ran out of gas coming home from the wedding-" before I could say anything else Mike blurted out all the things I was going to say.

"There's a gas can in my car. Ill fill it up and bring it to you. Where are you?"

I laughed and told him just where I was. I handed the phone and book back, and thanked the guy for the offer of a ride and went out front to wait for Mike.

As I sat on a wooden bench, I wondered what Jake was doing right now. My replacement sun was the substitute of my heart. I couldn't blame Jacob if he'd found another bright soul to connect with. I really hope that-if there is anything going on between them, she is worthy of Jacob.

Behind me, in the dense forest that surrounded this little parking lot, I heard a noise. Any other person would have been scared stiff. But I had heard this sound before. In the meadow, the day Laurent died. A huff, from a large wolf.

I turned to see a familiar large red-brown wolf crouching low against a fallen tree.

"Jacob!" I gasped. "Why are you here?" I looked around fast to make sure no one was around. My feet carried me to the forest.

"Jake someone's going to see you. Someone's going to see me talking to you. Go back, I'll talk with you whenever you get home." I kept my voice a little hostel, so he would understand I knew it would be awhile before that happens.

He let out a soft whimper and started back up slowly, I heard the bells on the door shake and seen the clerk walk out. I knelt down to pretend to adjust my shoe.

"Still waiting?" he smiled at me.

"Yea, my friend is driving from Forks." I answered.

"Your boyfriend?" he winked.

"Just a guy friend."

"Do you have one of those? A formal boyfriend?"

My face flushed with chagrin. Surprise must have been all over my face, because this guy-very cute guy-smiled bright and chuckled. He was flirting with me and was amazed because I knew it.

"Yes." I managed to choke out,

"Too bad." he snickered. Then he walked to me and stuck out his hand. "Brendan."

"Bella." I shook it lightly and went to sit back on the bench. The only car in the parking lot was an older Ford truck. Not as old as my truck but defiantly seen better days. Brendan, walked right over and leaned against the front of the truck. Less than two feet from me. I wanted to look away to see if Jake was lingering back there, but if he was, I didn't want Brendan to see him.

"What kind of truck do you have?" he asked.

"A Chevy." I murmured.

"What year?" he pressed, obviously amused.

"It's a '53"

"Wow. I was expecting something a little younger. Good condition?"

He seemed so interested "Better than what you would expect for that year."

"My dad and I, we've always fixed up old trucks. I just love moulding something old into something new and great. If you ever need to get rid of it, I can take it off your hands." he nodded his head repeatedly to let me know he was serious.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"So how old are you Bella?"

"Eight teen. You?" I asked back.

"Twenty one. Do you want something to drink?"

"Eighteen remember."

He laughed. "Of course. We have sodas and juice too."

I got up and we were going inside and I asked if I could have a bottle of water instead. He spun around, his face looked puzzled. His eye brows pulled together and he said "We don't have water." his face didn't match his answer.

"Oh."

Again, he smiled "Just kidding. You were at a wedding?"

"Yea, that's why I'm all dressed up."

"Your really pretty." he complimented.

One side of my mouth pulled up into a smile. I met his dad, the store owner, Brady. He was stalking shelves. He got me something to drink and we stood against the front counter and began talking. I filled him in as to when I moved here and when I graduated. Brendan hadn't graduated high school. His mother had left his family when he was sixteen and he dropped out to help raise his siblings. Twin boys that were thirteen, and sisters the ages of nine, seven, four and two. His father worked the three businesses their family owned. This liquor store, a photo hut and a TV repair shop. Now that he is old enough to work the businesses, the now fifteen year old sister took care of the little ones.

"I'm surprised you and your dad had the time to fix trucks with all that on your plate." I said as we walked back outside.

"We would work at night. When the stores are closed and the kids are sleeping."

We walked back to the bench, I looked out to the woods. I saw him, still sitting there against wood and ground.

I took a seat and Brendan sat with me this time. I heard a growl. It was one of two things. Either Jake was unhappy with this other guy buy me, or it was Mikes car as he raced up to the front and slammed his breaks.

"This is your friend?" Brendan asked.

"This is my friend." I shook my head and smiled at Mike.

"He should learn how to drive that pretty toy."

Mike got out, pulled his shades off and clicked his alarm on.

"Hey Bella. I got the gas, you ready?"

Brendan and I both chuckled at the joke Mike didn't mean to tell.

"Who's your friend?" Mike wondered out loud.

"This is Brendan. Brendan, Mike."

They nodded their heads at each other. Mike turned back to his car.

"Yea Mike. I'm ready. Nice to meet you." I said.

Brendan smiled wide. "Well now that we're friends, next time you can take a ride with me. Come by here if you ever need to dump your truck."

I smiled and said thanks for everything, then got in Mikes car with him.

"Thanks." I said when we were buckled in and pulling out. "It was nice of you to come help me. Did you see my truck on the way here?"

"No problem Bella. Yea I saw it, not too far." Mike said. "I thought of a name."

"Really? Let's hear it."

He looked at me and he had the biggest smile on his face. "Lexi."

Just to tease him, I scrunched up my face in disapproval.

"You don't like that?" he worried.

I slipped and smiled a bit "Actually that's really great. Sexy Lexi, the Lexus!"

"Yeah" he said "Sexy Lexi!"

He was right about the truck, it wasn't too far when you're driving. Mike put the gas in for me. I had offered to do it, but he protested. Saying something about looking to good to deal with it.

Just as I expected, when I looked in the dense tree I could see Jacobs dark eyes peering at me.

The truck started right up and drove fine. I noticed as I pulled up to my street, Mike was planning on making sure I got all the way home.

When I got out of the truck, I hurried to the passenger window. I offered to pay him for the gas and he wouldn't take it. He mentioned the BBQ at the station and hoped to see me there.

As Mike drove off, with no surprise Jake was walking out of the woods. On two feet with only his slacks on.

"If you wouldn't have taken off like that you would have seen you needed gas." he said as he approached me.

His calm sarcasm really enraged me. I turned and rushed to the front door. Jake was right there with me as I reached the knob.

"Hey!" he said as he reached for my hand "Talk to me."

"What do you want from me Jacob? What do you want to talk about?" I shouted.

"Well, why'd you leave like that?"

"You weren't having any fun with me that was clear. And then you tell me your staying away longer! My feelings are hurt. And I'm not sorry." My teeth were set and I wanted him to know I seen what was going on.

"Bells, why would you think I wasn't enjoying being with you?"

My skull was thick, I knew that, but did he really think I was dumb? "Corena." I said. "She had your attention the whole time I was there."

"No. You don't understand, I had her attention." he said gloomy. He turned and sat on the top step looking at the forest across the street.

"What." I said, still standing.

"Nothing. Really I did enjoy having you there."

"Are you sure? It didn't seem like it. You never even asked me to dance." I said doubtfully.

"Bella, get real. You wouldn't have gotten on that dance floor." he kinda giggled.

That made my anger flair up again. "I already had it in mind that if you asked, I'd try! You never once even told me I looked nice."

The expression on his face cut me off. Anger and confusion were combined with embarrassment. "Yes I did. I had to have." He looked down replaying today in his head, trying to prove me wrong. When I seen on his face he couldn't remember saying any compliment I spoke again.

"No. Not once. Everyone! Everyone, even the stranger at the store, told me I looked nice. You never did!" I was barely whispering now.

His head dropped to his hands and he grunted.

Very faintly I heard a whine from the woods across the street. In the light shinning in that direction I saw a wolf. Small, compared to Jake and his pack. This wolf looked a cream color, with black and sienna waves down their spine.

"I'm sorry Bella. I've got something to tell you." he said shyly. "Please sit?"

"I'm okay. Just say it already." I knew it was coming. Unavoidable heartbreak.

"Well, it's...complicated. I've got to tell you a lot before I get to the point."

"Start somewhere Jacob."

He spoke for a while, and I didn't speak. When he was done, I had no words to speak. I slowly slid to sit next to him on the step. After a couple of deep breaths, and a few minutes of silence. I was able to whisper, "Oh."


	9. Chapter 9 Torn

To all the readers of my story, Thank you so much I enjoy writing it so very much I hope you enjoy reading! Please leave some comments if you take the time to read the chapters. They keep me going and wanting to write more!

Chapter 9

Torn

Jacob kissed the top of my head, and strode off onto the woods at an incredibly slow pace. Even though I felt a little relief about what I was just told. The unpleasant feeling in my chest was not subsiding. Apparently there's lots to learn about these wolves.

Love at first sight, soul mates, true love; Jake said none of these things seemed to compare to imprinting.

Imprinting is absolute. Love to the extreme. Jacob had explained about Sam and Emily. He told me Leah, Emily's cousin had been Sam's high school sweetheart. Sam had made the transformation to wolf (all alone, he was the first) and the first time he seen Emily after that, it was a done deal. Even when he destroyed her face, the absolute devotion never faltered. Things with Leah were never the same. Leah says she OK with her cousin and her ex, but Jake suspects by her behavior, she really is not.

Then he went on to tell me that, Jared had just seen Kim, and the rest of their forever was written. Kim secretly had a crush on him for a while, but was completely caught off guard when Jared started showing up with roses everyday.

The relationship part of imprinting, depends on the person who was imprinted upon. If this person was married, they could be the best of friends. If the imprintee were a child, the heart and soul of that other person would go into bringing up that child as good as, if not better as their parents. And as that child would grow that love could be a friendship or romantic.

Lots of things were going through my head. At one point in time I had experienced true, heart filled, blissed out love-That wrenched my heart. To think about the beginning of my life, here in Forks.-So I felt I could understand the kind of thing he was talking about.

A conclusion to his explanation wasn't hard to guess at this point. My mouth hung wide open and I was inhaling deep and making myself light headed.

"You imprinted on Corena didn't you?" I whispered.

He looked deep in my eyes. "No. That's not what's happened." he promised.

I starred off dumbfounded. What was the point of that whole story if this wasn't the case?

He sighed deep. "Before we killed that red head leach, she had been running all over. Way outside our land. Due to tribal secrets" he made air quotes and chuckled "We didn't know more of us existed.

"So the bloodsucker brought the fever out of other tribes also." he took another large breath and huffed it out. "Corena is a wolf too. Her and Emily's brother, Dylan. They both turned after Em had moved to LaPush, after all of us had turned. Emily had no idea about her siblings. She's very new, I hadn't seen Corena in a lot of years..." he trailed off.

It hit me like a wet slap in the face.

"She did. Not you." I breathed.

He nodded. That's all I needed.

I sat there , starring in his eyes not knowing what to say. A crying sound turned my attention to the cream colored shewolf. Her head was down and she was scratching the ground in front of her as she whimpered.

Now I felt horrible for Jacob and could see the reason for his unusual mood earlier. This must be hard for him to handle. He has the decision of choosing me. The plain, riddled with emotional holes girlfriend. Or the beautiful acquaintance, who holds the power to fulfill any part of his happiness.

I could tell he was getting anxious with her waiting.

"I see. What does this mean for us?" I had to ask. He dropped his head.

"I love you." he answered. "I want to be with you."

"But..." I continued for him.

He looked back to my eyes. "but Im afraid. I feel. Like. I could love her too. The first time we ran together, I felt instincts like Id never felt. I feel an instinctual pull to her."

I think I knew exactly what that instinct was. "Have you two had sex?"

Very calmly, still gazing in my eyes he answered "No. Your still my girl friend. Im not about to betray you like that. I love you remember Bells."

We sat quietly for just a few moments. What was I to do now? Give him up? What if I didn't want to? What if I had no choice? That all depends on Jake. I guess he knew that too, that's why he wanted to stay and try and deal with the situation.

"Go Jacob. You've got somewhere to be. Im sure every one is wondering where you guys are."

"I can't just leave. Im so torn Bella." he stood up and started pacing, his hands were softly trembling. "For so long I stressed over this damn imprinting. I've known your the girl I love for a long time, Ive felt this pull towards you too, from the first time I seen you when you moved back. Ive wondered why I haven't imprinted on you, and for some one to imprint on me! Its so confusing."

He rambled on a little longer. All I could think of was what if he doesn't choose me. Another person I love, choosing throwing me away. How could I live through that? Again I also thought I must have deserved this. This is the price I must pay for being greedy with Jacobs warmth. I had held onto it so bad; so that I wouldn't have to feel the true heart break, now I must pay because I don't deserve him.

"Are you sure you'd be OK if I leave?" he asked. I just shook my head. I knew my voice would break if I tried to lie and tell him I would.

And that was that. That's when he kissed my head, and walked away from me.

He reached the wolf in the woods, and bent down to careers her neck and kiss her head too. Jake looked back at me, smiled and walked into the forrest with his wolf.

The phone rang in the house. I didn't bother to answer it. Seconds after it stopped, it rang again. A total of four times it rang before I cut off the tears and barged inside to answer. "Hello?" I demanded. Then the person on the other line hung up.


	10. Chapter 10 Vigilante

Chapter 10

Vigilante

Now I couldn't help it. Nothing could be held back at this point. I slid down the wall, still clutching the beeping phone. Immediately I was drowning in my tears. Each drop left a salty stain on my dress. I no longer gave two cares about this dress.

I could sit here and have a crying binge until Charlie would get worried and come looking. Or I could call him and get it out of the way. I rubbed my eyes and sucked in a few heavy breathes. I hung the phone back on the receiver and picked it up again and dialed the station. I got no answer. I tried again, and the same. I knew Charlie would not appreciate me dialing 911. If no one was answering, Id have to go down there. If my dad could see that I was in mood for festivities, hopefully he wouldn't try and talk me into staying.

When I got in my room and changed into comfy clothes, I saw a picture of Jake and I. Taken right after graduation. We were standing in front of Charlie's cruiser, outside of The Lodge. Jake and I were still casual, I was still in love with the thought of making him happy. We would never be like this again. I could feel it to my bones I was going to lose Jacob.

I need to get to the station. The quicker I get there the quicker I can leave.

The sun would be completely set within the hour. It was a beautiful night. No chill in the air and not a cloud in the sky. Every thing around me outside seemed so still.

No one was at the station yet except for the on and off duty officers. They were all outside, that would explain the un-answered phones.

"Hi Bella! What can I get you to eat?" my dad said.

"Dad, I'm not hungry. Today didn't go so great. My mood is crappy; I just want to stay at home."

He must have seen the tears on the brink of over flowing. He was not going to argue, I could tell.

"Well I'm sending a plate home with you. Eat it at some point tonight."

I agreed and watched my dad over fill a plate with too much food.

He wished me good night and advised me to watch out the window for the fireworks. I slipped off to my truck as I noticed a crowd of cars heading right to this parking lot.

My block was quiet I noticed as I drove home down my street. I presumed everyone would be at the party on this nice night. There was only a faint bit of light left in the sky. I had forgotten to turn on the porch light, but I did leave the kitchen light on.

Once inside I tossed my plate in the fridge. The phone rang, before I could get 'hello' all the way out, the line was disconnected. This was getting extremely frustrating. I began to put away dishes from the counter, when I heard a squeak. I peeked around the corner towards the stairs, it sounded like a door opening slowly. My feet pulled me forward before I completely thought about what I was doing.

Slowly I crept up the stairs. I saw my door gently waving back and forth. Looking into my room, I saw that my window was wide open. I crossed my little room, thinking that I could not remember opening this window.

I looked out my window to the yard below. It's a dry, silent night. The window slammed shut with just a small tug to it. I spun around and nearly choked on my heart it jumped so fast. I starred at the figure in my bedroom doorway, amazed by radiant beauty.

Air was stuck inside my lungs and my eyes were glued open. I had no idea who this…person is. But without a doubt, I knew it was a vampire. She was utterly beautiful. She had pale alabaster complexion, a slim build with slight curves to her body. Loose strawberry blond waves swept down to her shoulders. A few locks fell over her dull orange eyes. They looked as if they were once gold, but had recently been tinged with red.

Then I realized I had an idea of who she was. I remember a conversation that seemed like forever ago. The Cullen's knew a coven who restrained from human blood like they did. Laurent, Victoria's friend had made nice with that coven. I was right all along. A friend of the red eyed vampires had come to avenge their death.

She looked me up and down, possibly wondering if she has found the right person. I still had yet to blink or breathe.

"Bella." Yes, she knew she had the right person. Her voice was soft and lovely. It gave me the chills.

My breath whooshed out, and my heart started racing. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I was going to die here in my little bedroom. No one would hear me scream. No one would see my killer leave. My life would end here, and Id never even done anything worth living.

I felt thankful for the few months of love and happiness Edward had given me. Even though he no longer loved me, my memories and feelings for him would be the last thing I'd feel.

But then I remembered Jacob. He was out in the woods, I hope far away. But who knows maybe he had stuck around. I doubt it but maybe. I still loved him enough to want to distract this vampire. So she wouldn't be done with me and find him too soon.

I was about to speak, to ask who she was when I heard a loud boom!

Embarrassingly, I let out a little squeal. My nerves were already on edge. I looked back out of my window just in time to see the first explosion in the sky. I could see Charlie's firework display perfectly from my window. My room was illuminating red, green, blue and gold flashes of light.

The vampire guest in my room let out a small giggle. My eyes returned to her, I never would have thought it possible, but her face was far more beautiful than before. The light from the fireworks was shinning off her skin with each round of color. Her skin had a faint luminosity to it, every time each explosion was at its brightest.

"Beautiful right?" she said. I nodded. "While you do smell good, I just don't see the attraction. The point, of the entire hubbub everybody's making about you."

I had to speak. "Who's everybody?"

"The Cullen's. Who else?" She stood in my door way very non-chilant. Hearing the name made my heart burn.

"And who are you?" I muttered.

"Im Tanya, from Alaska. A cousin, I guess you could say, Of the Cullen's." Her voice had an accent I couldn't pin down.

The jacket she wore was a dull gray suede; tight around her body and a big fur hood. Traditional blue jeans stretched down her long legs into black hiking boots.

"And your Bella. The Bella!" she exclaimed. Her attitude against me was starting to bother me.

"What's it to you?" I regretfully snapped at her.

"Well you seemed to have caused some tension with my family." She said. Before I could even blink she was across my room and two inches away from my face. "I think that is a little bit of concern to me." So she was here for the Cullen's. Not Victoria.

In my mind she was making no sense. Why would I be any cause for concern for the Cullen's? They left me, without a word.

Tanya stood straight and began to circle me. I was already dazed with confusion and fear and now she's stalking me. She smelled of salt water, pine wood, and roses.

"Not all of them left because they wanted to." She said as if that was something I should already know.

This was news to me. I had figured if Alice, Esme or Carlisle wanted to say goodbye, they would have.

"Im no harm to anybody! Why would they have to leave just because Edward didn't love me anymore?" I exasperate, trying to watch her as she circled me.

"Is that what the boy told you? Its not the story I heard!"

A large lump lodged itself into my throat. I was told he didn't love me anymore and Tanya had been told another reason.

"Your confusing me. Why did you come here?" I asked.

She said in a low voice, "You ask a lot of questions! I came here because I'm a citizen of the law. And I don't feel its fair you're an exception. Whenever I've pursued my human men, I persuade them, it was all a dream. They walk away from the whole thing thinking it was a fantasy of some sort. The Cullen's left you here with all the knowledge of vampires."

My mind remembered the most important vampire rule: secrecy.

"That secret is safe with me. I would never speak of anything, to anyone that didn't already know." I wonder if she could smell the were wolf. "I have other supernatural friends."

"Yes. I can smell the wet mutt." She said with a wrinkle of the nose.

"So you know I will keep my mouth shut, right?" I wasn't trying to push her buttons, but I also wanted to know if this will be the day that I die.

"Yes I suppose you will. But…" she lingered, looking deep into my eyes. She had defiantly had human blood recently. As I watched her iris' look as if they were melting, blood swirled around looking like lava with liquid gold.

"But." I repeated "Your going to kill me anyway." I guessed.

"That's where a difficult decision lies. If I were to feed on you," the way she said feed gave me extreme goose bumps "Edward would no doubt seek my true death."

I couldn't comprehend this. Every time she spoke of Edward, she spoke as if he cared what did, or didn't happen to me.

"Can you tell me something please?" I asked. I tried to look serious and confident. She waved her hand as if to tell me to continue. "What were you told about why they left Forks?"

"I heard about your birthday incident, the trouble with Jasper. Edward loved you so much; still loves you, and he wants you out of harms way. He felt he and his family had caused you far too much pain already. So they left your town. All of them headed north to my family's home. After a few tiffs with Alice, dear Edward took off. Alice said she seen him decide to try and track an enemy. I believe he's held up in South America still."

My heart fluttered out of control with this new information. This would mean, he had lied that day in the woods. If this was true, the whole world had just changed completely. I stared at my bed and contemplated all this. Could this be? I had no proof it was true, I can't bring myself to hope for such a large wish.

Having Edward love me would be my number one wish. Just then I thought of a fairly realistic wish.

"I have a solution. You don't like the fact that Im a human in the know. And I can't have Edward, with being weak and human." I took a deep breath and met Tanya's eyes. "Change me! Tanya please! I wanted it so bad before. It would solve your dilemma; it could mend my broken life. Tanya please, change me!"

Still keeping her eyes to mine, she sat on my bed.

"I wasn't excepting that." She said "I was hoping to come here and find you had no more interest in him. My selfish desire for Edward would have been boosted to know you didn't feel for him as he did for you. Then I could be the one to comfort him. But here you are begging for eternal damnation. You really love him don't you?"

"I really, truly do." All my feelings for Edward came flooding out, including the contempt I felt for this female vampire; she had just proclaimed feelings for my true love. "Now that Im being told, he loves me, as I do him. Id give everything, anything , my soul included to have him again."

"So you are prepared to become a vampire right now, right this minute?" she pondered.

Before I could answer her, a few things happened so fast. Tanya flipped backwards away from me into the far corner of my room. Then I seen Jacob enter my room with a gust of speed. His eyes were burning a hole straight through Tanya. Even though I was more than aware that she could handle herself, I put myself between the vampire and the trembling human boy. She hissed and he growled, another impatient growl came from outside.

The very last of the fireworks made four large booms and a rainbow of all the colors filled my room. Over that noise, Jacobs heavy breathing, my pounding heart. In my ear, Edward told me 'Be careful.'

Jacob backed up a few steps to be in the doorway. He gripped the frame and I was afraid he would snap the wood right off. His massive body filled the whole doorway. Every muscle was hyper aware. All his length was barely covered with one simple pair of boxers

"Bella. Move so I could get the leach." He said through his teeth. Tanya hissed ferociously behind me.

"No! She's not a threat to me. Do you think Id still be alive if she was?" I asked him. "What are you doing here? You and Corena should be back at the rez by now."

"I was having a hard time tearing myself away from you. I was wondering the woods, thinking, when I caught this disgusting smell. Who is she Bella, and why are you protecting her?"

"She's a friend of the Cullen's. She came here to talk to me about them."

"Damn it, I heard her say she was going to turn you into one of them. Im not going to let her harm you. MOVE!" Jacob was now yelling at me, with a great amount of anger in his voice.

"No" I shouted. "For your information I asked her if she would change me."

"What?" he growled "How in the hell does that make any sense Bella? Do you know what that means?"

"I haven't yet agreed to this. I don't want the responsibility of being your creator." Tanya interrupted.

"Now that I smell you, Ive smelled your stink before." Jake spoke to Tanya with a cold bitterness. "You've been out in these woods stalking Bella. Your probably here for more than a friendly conversation." Jake snapped at her.

"I know what Im asking for Jacob. Nothings done yet, you don't need to talk to me or this vampire like that in my house." I lectured. I couldn't afford for these two to come to blows here in my house.

"Bella how do you know she would even stop once she starts feeding on you? Your asking her to make you my enemy? You couldn't do it anywhere around here. I would have to kill you!" Jake said. His face was pail and he was still trembling with anger, fighting the change.

"Whoa Jake, calm down with that." It broke all of the spirit I had left in me to hear him speak those words. If I were to change; end my life for immortality, he would seek me out to permanently end my life. He was bound to. It is his nature, his law. And I couldn't put that on Jacob. "I don't know if Im even wanted as a vampire. She tells me Edward loves me, but can't be with me as long as Im human. And I need him Jacob."

Confessing this to him made me cry. "I can't have you anymore. I never deserved you, now you have Corena. There is no use for me in your life. I have to seek Edward out, I have to know if I can have a chance with him, if I can live his way of life."

As soon as I stopped talking, the tears stopped. When I looked up at Jake his tough guy demeanor had faltered. His lips were turned down into a deep frown; his hands lay limp at his side. Sadness stretched across his face. Somehow he was able to ignore that there was a vampire in the room, Jake walked to me and took me in his arms.

"You will always have a place in my life. I hate being a wolf. If it weren't for this damn imprinting thing we could be together. We are meant to be together. If it wasn't for the supernatural, nothing would be tearing us apart right now." He complained.

"I know." I said.

Not even a minute had gone by and Tanya made her annoyance clear. She grunted to break our moment.

"I did come here for a reason. I didn't expect you to still love Edward so much. I can't kill you, and I won't be the one to change you. If the Cullen's have no interest in you, you wouldn't be able to live with me and mine." She directed at me.

I broke out of the hold with Jacob and walked over to her.

"If there's any way at all Edward would want me, I need to know. If he doesn't want me, he's yours. But you know you can't have him if he still loves me." I mused.

"Yes. I do know that. So how shall we solve this?" she asked.

"Take me to the Cullen's. Let me ask them myself if Im welcome. I'll contact Edward, he can tell me the truth. And then I'll figure things out for myself no matter what his answer is."

Tanya was thinking this over. "I can handle that, if this boy will let me leave."

I turned to Jake. He still had a frown on his face. He huffed a breath out of his nose then spoke. "If I let this cold one live, if I let you seek him out. Will you please reconsider becoming one of them? I know that today has hurt you, Corena and I. I want you to be happy Bella. But happy as a human. Please Bella."

"Jake. I can't promise anything, I don't know anything yet."

"Come on, Im going against every last instinct I have to even think about letting this vamp go. Give me something. I wont let you go unless I know you may come back human." He shuttered at the last word.

"Okay. I wont make any decision until I find out everything. And you'll be the first to know." I said.

A small howl came from outside. I knew Corena must be getting impatient.

"Im sorry about this whole day." He said to me softly.

"Me too." I agreed.

He shot Tanya one last hateful look and took off down the stairs and out of my house.

Tanya looked amused. "Ready?"

"Actually Im not. I have a father, I can't leave without a word. Can you give me two days?" I asked.

"I suppose, Ive already been in this area for a week or so, two more days of hunting shall be fun."

"Tanya, Im curious. Why are your eyes that color?" I asked.

She let out a small laugh, it sounded like bells ringing in the wind. "Unfortunately, while I was feeding on a bear, some hunters came across me and my dinner. They shot at me, the bullets bounced off. So I had to stop them before they reported their findings. Oops. I sure have missed human blood." She winked at me. "But now I feel dirty. I can't go home to my family with orange eyes. Waiting on you may benefit me."

"Have you been calling my house?" This question made me anxious. I was wondering if it was her, but at the same time, hoping maybe it was someone else.

"Guilty again. I was here trying to get to you, but you always seemed to be with someone. I couldn't very well come too close, I could smell the dog in the area. So I tried to catch you alone. And here it worked."

I wanted to keep asking her questions, but my dad pulled up to the house in his police cruiser. Tanya watched him pulled up. She smiled and looked at me.

" I will see you in two days." She said. When my father walked into the house, Tanya slipped out my window into the night.


	11. Chapter 11 Good Bye

Chapter 11

Good Buy

I sat at the kitchen table while my dad ate the plate of food he'd intended for me. He asked me a few times how I was, but quickly realized I wasn't't up to talking. And without surprise he, he didn't't press me any farther. Not once did

"The fireworks tonight sure were something." He said when he pushed the empty plate away.

I cleared my throat and said "I saw them."

As the silence continued, my dad cleaned up after himself and headed off to watch some TV. I stayed sitting, staring off.

It made sense to think, if I leave here, it maybe final. Never again will I be able to sit at this table with my dad in his small kitchen. Id never see where my mothers erratic life takes her. The friends I made here will grow and move on with their lives. And Jacob, Im sure he will stay in this small corner of the state for all his life. I'd probably never see him again, if I leave.

Those would all be the hard things to give up. But Im selfish enough to think, what I could gain would be entirely enough to make up for it.

Edward had me convinced he didn't't care for my feelings at all. But Tanya says he does. Could that be why I still hear his ghost of a voice sometimes? I hope Im not counting on her too much.

I thought of a hundred different ways of seeing Edward again. Him happy, him sad, him furious. Me always sobbing.

Another thing heavy on my heart is what am I going to tell Charlie? I needed a reason to leave and stay gone. Everything was too late for me to use collage as an excuse. Plus I'd be leaving in just two days.

All the lights in the living room went off and Charlie came around to turn off the kitchen light.

"Oh Bella. I thought you'd went to bed. Come on kid. Its getting late."

I got up robotically and headed up the stairs first. Before either of us went to our rooms, I gave my dad a great big hug. It took him a second to embrace me back. But when he did, he was gently patting my on the back.

"Are you Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah dad. I just love you." I replied.

"Love you too Bells. Good night."

When all the lights were off in the house and my dad was fast asleep, I pulled my desk chair over to the window. This wasn't't going to be easy, but I had to get a plan in order.

First, there were things I had to take care of here. I had to tell Charlie something, to get me away. Getting together the funds to travel wouldn't't be so hard. I had some money saved up to attend college. And Jacob.

Second, I have to make sure Tanya is genuine and going to keep her word. Nothing is stopping her from luring me away just to kill me.

The third thing I had to consider would be, what would happen when I see the Cullens? Who would be happy to see me? Would any of them want me as a vampire?

Fourth and most important, what will happen with Edward and I? If he wants me Im his, but if not… Im just not sure what to think about that.

I sat at my window for hours. Crying sometimes. But I came to resolve about a lot of things. I got online and did some research for an alibi. Just before I decided it was time for bed, the smell in the air and shift in the wind let me know a change of weather was coming.

Because I was not quite sure where I was, but I knew I was dreaming, I resisted the urge to wonder. I stood alone in the dark. There was a light to my left, way to bright to look at directly. I wanted to look. A flame glowed so bright it was shinning rays all the way out in my direction. I looked straight ahead, watching the fire move closer to me from the corner of my eye. I remained still.

As it got closer, it got dimmer to the point I could look in that direction. I was able to see the fire glowed in the shape of a person. No face, no features or clothing. Just a shape of fire.

There was a sound before the sight, a sizzling sound. Water on fire. That's when the dream rain began. Rather quickly it was a down poor and the fire had gone out. But still a dark silhouette of a body stood in the same place. Like a shadow, but with was dark out. I said hello. The shadow repeated me, but with an angelic, soothing velvet voice.

I woke screaming. That hadn't't happened in a while, so Charlie rushed in my room to check on me. He left me alone when I reassured him it was just a crazy dream. I dressed fast so I could talk with my dad before he leave for the day. Butterflies were flipping around nervously in my stomach. I took the stairs two at a time.

"Dad, I want to see Europe." I said when I entered the kitchen. "I didn't't pursue college and I want to get out of Forks." I grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat with him while he drank his coffee.

"Really? What brought this on?" he asked.

"A few things."

"Such as…"

"For one, I think what Jake and I had is gone. We would be better as friends. And Mike Newton made me think, If Forks has nothing to offer me, maybe Ill find my place in the world somewhere else."

The wrinkles in his face stood out when he mashed his eyebrows together. "What happened with Jake? I thought you two were fine, did you get in a fight?"

"No." I responded. I took a minute to chew. "We are going to be better as friends. Just leave it at that."

I could tell he didn't't want to leave it, but my father was not one to pry. "Alright so why Europe? Why not explore America?"

I shoveled food in my mouth. "Ive seen most of America, on road trips with mom. And isn't backpacking across Europe a thing for young people to do?"

He pondered that. Shrugged his shoulders and said "I guess so."

I got up to clean my bowl when he asked, "When is this trip taking place, who is going to go with you?"

The second question caught me off guard. "Im going to fly out of Seattle in 2 days. And I am going to go alone."

"What! You just decided this you can't leave in two days! Isabella Marie you will not go alone!"

"Dad, Im going to be 19 in a little over 2 months. Im old enough to decide something like this by myself. I'll be okay. Last night I did some research online. This is the time of year prices are at their lowest." That's what some quick Google searches told me.

"But why go alone?" he pressed.

"I don't have anyone to go with."

He pushed away from the table, mumbling something about not liking this at all.

"What about money Bella?" he asked as he filled his thermos with coffee.

"I've got nearly three grand in the bank. I wanted to ask if you'd be okay with me selling my truck? I know a guy, he would take it off my hands and put it to good use."

He thought that over. "Its your truck Bella, you can do with it what you want. I just don't like the thought of you going over seas alone! How long will this trip take?"

I couldn't't tell him I wouldn't't be overseas, or that I wouldn't't be alone. It's hard enough for me to lie, and he keeps pressing for more. I shook my head

"Im not sure. Dad, Im positive I will be fine. I don't need a chaperone to live."

He couldn't't argue that. So we went on talking about prices and time lines. Everything I was telling him, must have satisfied some worries.

Charlie left for work seeming a little more understanding, and excited.

I got ready for the day and sat by the phone with a phone book. It wasn't hard to find, so I called the little liquor store off the side of the highway.

"Hello!" I recognized Brendens voice right away.

"Brenden."

"Yes, who's this?"

"Bella. I met you yesterday." I answered.

"Oh right! Nice to hear from you."

"Well, I wanted to take up your offer on my truck. You said if I ever needed to get rid of it, you maybe interested."

"Wow, that was quick huh?" he chuckled.

"Yeah, some things came up and I need the cash."

He laughed. "Can you bring it by? Then I can talk to my pops, see what I can do for you. He sounded interested already when I told him about it."

"Okay. Ill bring it by sometime this afternoon. Im going to be leaving in the next few days so, the sooner the better."

"Great. I can't wait to see you. Bye" I felt my self blushing as I hung up the phone.

I hadn't noticed before, but the rain was falling quietly outside. My sweater felt cold coming from the closet. I collected my keys and headed out the door. The first thing I seen when I walked out the door was Jacob.

He was sitting on the porch. His face was sad, but when he seen me, he produced a small smile.

"Your still here. I didn't't think you would be." He claimed.

"Yeah, still here." I wasn't sure how to talk to him. I didn't't know how he felt towards me.

"But your still going to leave?" Jake asked.

"Yes Jacob I am. In a two days."

He clinched his teeth and put his head in his hands. After a few minutes, when I could tell he was calmed down, I sat next to him.

"Where are you going?" he asked still looking down.

"As far as I know, Alaska. That's where the Cullens are. I told Charlie Im going to Europe."

"Your just going to leave him like that?"

"At least he'll have the impression Im okay. Im not sure how things are going to work out. I maybe back."

He looked up at me. His eyes were glossy and full of tears changed you can't ever come back.". "Bella, I feel like I can't ask you to stay. As bad as I want to, it wouldn't't be right of me. But if you get

"I know."

Before I knew it, he was hugging me.


	12. Chapter 12 Good Buy

Chapter 12

Good buy

"Please don't go Bella. Please. I don't want to have to beg you but I have nothing else left." He cried.

"Jacob, tell me. What do I have left here?"

"Me! Charlie! A life!"

"Your right. But that's it. You gave Corena now, and Charlie got along just fine before I came. And what kind of life is this? All this rain! It makes me depressed. One day, your going to truly fall in love with Corena. Who am I suppose to love? I don't want to settle."

He had no answer, he knew I was right.

"Thank you Jacob, for your friendship, love and sunshine. But Ill never ever be able to love anyone like I love Edward."

"If he loves you at all. He wont make you a blood sucker." He said, letting me go.

"That's your wish not mine."

"So…is this our break up?" Jake asked.

"I don't want to look at it like that. I still love you Jacob."

"And I still love you. You're my best friend, always."

"Mine too."

We sat in silence holding hands. The rain let up a bit, and I invited him to come with me to see Brenden.

"No, Ive got to go. Corena is at my house. Ive got to get back before Billy gets home."

"She better take care of you Jake. Im giving her my personal sun. She better be worth it." I joked. He cracked a small smile.

He walked me over to the truck and hugged me again. "I can't believe this might be good bye. I pray to god I see you again." He said.

And then he kissed me. A very soft and passionate kiss. A good bye kiss.

I hugged him as hard as I could.

"You'll always be my very best friend." I whispered.

We let go, I got in my truck and drove away. He stood on my lawn until I was out of sight.

I drove slow, and I cried. For the life of me I wished I had other options. I hated hurting Jacob like this. But fortunately his heart would heal. Mine never could unless I had Edward back in my life. This was the only choice I could see that could make us both happy. When I pulled up to the little store, I concluded. This really is my only option.

As soon as I killed the engine Brenden was walking out.

"Nice!" he was already walking around evaluating the body. "A little sanding down with new paint, this thing would be a beauty. Can you pop the hood?" he said.

I did, and when he seen the inside he shouted, "Wow".

I got out to join him.

"You didn't't tell me this thing had a completely rebuilt engine!"

I shrugged. "I don't know anything about cars other than how to drive them."

He flipped open a little cell phone and after a minute he said "Dad, come by the liq, Ive got something your just going to love." And he closed the phone.

I sat on the same little bench as last time, while he looked over the truck. He seemed to love my old truck more than I ever had. Everything about it seemed to impress him.

Only a few minutes had passed when a older white Chevy car pulled up. Brenden's dad Brady got out of the car along with two of Brendens younger sisters.

Brady introduced them to me. Everlee was the older one with long pitch black (dyed) hair. And Alivia was younger and had the same brown locks as Brenden. They all 3 shared the same powder blue eyes.

The girls started walking around cleaning the outside of the store while the guys checked out my truck. Both of them seemed very interested in it. Brady asked if he could test drive it, and I tossed him the keys. Brenden offered to stay behind with me.

After about twenty minutes I was worried when Brady had not returned yet. Brenden tried to call his cell phone, but we heard it ring from inside his car. No body was worried but me, so I tried not to sweat it too much.

I helped the siblings clean up around the parking lot. Me and Brenden talked about my 'upcoming trip'. About five more minutes later I heard my truck before I seen it.

Brady got out looking like a teenage kid his smile was so big. "Im sorry I took so long. This truck drives like a dream. Except for the speed limitations, but I can fix that. Id really like to take it off your hands for a good price. How much?"

"Um, I was thinking like five hundred?" I mumbled.

Brady reached around to his back pocket while he chuckled. He pulled out a white envelope. "You must not know your trucks worth. I went by the bank and took out what I thought it was worth." Then he handed me the whole envelope.

I opened it and was surprised by all the hundreds. "How much is this?" I accidentally shouted.

"Twenty two hundred." He replied.

"are you kidding me! Why so much?" I never thought my slow rusty truck was worth that.

"Trust me, it's a fair deal. You didn't't think it was worth much, but in this condition it could be worth more." Brady seemed excited about his good buy.

Brenden offered to drive me back home. I thanked his dad over and over. But he insisted on being the one who was thankful.

We talked a little on the way back to town, mostly about the truck. I had him take me to the station. We said good bye, I thanked him again and watched him drive away with my first vehicle.

Charlie and deputy Mark were playing cards right inside the lobby.

"Dad. I got my truck sold." I said.

"Wow that was fast. You sure are moving right along aren't you?"

"I told you, limited time. How much did you pay Billy for that old thing?" I asked.

"Three hundred." He answered.

I took out three bills and placed them down for him. He looked at me puzzled.

"I got $2,200 for my truck!" I exclaimed!

Then he looked shocked! I asked if he could give me a ride home and he agreed.

He dropped me off and went back to work. I spent a few hours reading, then I thought Id do my father a favor and clean the whole house before I take off.

I put some sweats and a tank top on, threw my hair in a bun and put a CD on in the living room. I turned it up just a little bit louder than the rain that had picked up again. Paramore blasted through the speakers for nearly three hours as I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed and polished ever room, but the bedrooms.

When I was done, everything was shinny and lemony fresh.

Charlie walked in the door right as I was taking meat loaf out of the oven. He complimented me on the cleaning and looked very relieved.

We ate together and shared the last of the ice cream and talked about the most exciting things to see in Europe. It wasn't hard to fake the enthusiasm I had talking about the placed I really would love to see.

I felt lucky he didn't't ask me send him post cards. Although it was his idea for me to keep a journal of my travels. He made a good point reminding me my mother would want to know all the details.

Oh great. I hadn't thought to much about what I would tell Renee. I had to call her tonight.

When Charlie was in his chair, full attention on some game, I sat next to the phone and dialed my mother.

"Hello?"

"Hi mom, its me." I was the only person in the world to call her mom, she knew right away it was me.

"Oh Bella hello. Ive missed you. How is everything? I hope Charlie is well."

"Things are great. Dads doing just fine you know. I was calling because Ive got some news." I sighed.

"Spill it!" her voice suddenly sounded more interested.

"Well Jacob Black and I decided to just be friends."

"Oh no baby. Im so sorry. I know you really liked that boy. Charlie said you two seemed really happy."

"Its OK mom. Were much better as friends trust me. But I did decide something rather drastic."

"What's that?" she sounded worried now.

"Im going to Europe! Tomorrow!"

"Get out!" and she started shouting. "Oh Bella honey I always wanted to go there. Oh baby Im so happy for you. Have you got everything prepared?"

"Im working on it. Im pretty excited!" I lied.

" I bet your dad is just so excited for you."

"Not really, but I think he's coming around." I said.

We talked for a good half an hour. Luckily she didn't't ask to many questions, she just kept going on about how excited she was. And to my surprise and relief. She didn't't ask for any post cards either.

I was able to get off the phone with her. But not before telling her 20 times how much I loved and missed her deeply.

Charlie was asleep in his chair. I took a fast shower and dressed for bed.

I was cleaning up my room when I heard a few taps on my window.

I approached the window slowly and when I peeked out, Tanya was holding onto the side of the house with no effort.

"Just stopping by to make sure your still coming with me tomorrow." She said.

"I am. Everything is getting taken care of. I need to ask you to do something for me Tanya. Please?"

"Okay, ask."

"Tomorrow, before we got out of town. Can you call Alice. I need someone to know Im with you. I need some assurance your taking me where you say you are. Id like her to meet us half way if she can. If she will."

Tanya smiled a breath taking smile. "I can do that. Have her meet us at the Airport in Anchorage."

"Thank you." That's all I got out, and she was gone.

I curled up in a ball on my bed. This hole in my chest that had bothered me for months, had been numb the past few days. I know if I make it to Alaska and everything goes right, it may never bother me again. But If every thing goes in the opposite direction, Im afraid of what the pain will do to me. I drifted to sleep.

Once again in the dark, I stood across from the dark shadow of a person. We faced each other, and I felt over whelming happiness. I just stood there and smiled. After what seemed like for ever, it began to come closer to me. And I embraced the shadow in my arms, and felt whole.


	13. Chapter 13 Long Lost

CHAPTER 13

Long Lost

As soon as I woke, I felt my nerves all throughout my body. My eyes were teary and my lips trembled. Today is the last day of this life as I know it. Within hours, I will be leaving behind all I've grown to know. Far away: another life maybe waiting for me.

The sorrow I felt about leaving my friends and parents behind was replaced by the uncertainty of the unknown. I was trying to prepare myself mentally. I thought about the pain of transformation, also the pain of rejection.

Another thought I had, was what if he does truly accept me back? I was holding off on this hope- it seems so farfetched. But what if he loves me still? Hopefully I could confirm this with one of the Cullens. If I could reach him, and ask him to change me, I can only hope he'd want to keep me. I would treasure him, and do whatever I could to keep him mine forever.

All these thoughts and more were balled up in one heavy dose of fear. I lay in my bed as long as possible. After an hour of hiding under my covers and thinking, I was drawn out of my room by the smell of cinnamon and bacon.

I walked into the kitchen in my p.j.'s and witnessed something I'd only seen a few times before. Charlie was hovering over the stove franticly stirring and flipping whatever he could keep his hands on.

"Morning Dad." I said as I sat at the table, amused by watching my father cook.

"Good morning. I thought I'd send you off with a good breakfast in your stomach. There's bacon and scrambled eggs. I've got cinnamon rolls in the oven, pineapple orange juice in the fridge and some strawberries on the side."

I was very impressed. I'd never known him to put so much thought into a meal. "Thanks Dad." I smiled, "It smells great."

When we were done eating, I felt stuffed. I had eaten a lot of everything. I cleaned up the mess Dad had made throughout the kitchen.

"So what's your plan for today Bella?" Dad asked.

"I'm going to pack some clothes, clean my room up, and around four-ish I'll call a cab. Since I've got some extra cash, I won't need a ride to the airport." I informed him.

Before I could finish talking, the door bell rang. I had my hands in soapy water, so Charlie went to see who it was. I heard my dad say "Wow. Hello." But I couldn't make out the mumbles after that. I had collected the pans in the mean time. I was scrubbing them in dishwater when Charlie came back to the kitchen.

"Look who it is Bella." He said. When I turned to the door way, Alice was standing there. Without thinking I spun around in shock, still holding the soapy pan. I can't believe she is here, I was in such awe I dropped the pan.

She looked wonderful. Something inside of me had expected her to change in some small way. But she was exactly the same. Her small frame was holding up a strapless pink baby doll dress with way high heels on.

When I didn't move, she giggled and said "Nice to see you too Bella. Miss me?"

"More than you know" I mumbled. I stayed frozen. I came back around when I noticed Charlie cleaning up my soapy mess on the floor. He was done before I could even help him. I sat at the table and just stared at my long lost friend.

Finally Charlie broke the silence. "So what are you doing here Alice? Just visiting or has your family moved back?" I could tell it was a loaded question.

She came over and joined me at the table. "Just me, I'm just visiting. I'm heading off for a trip in Paris before I start at University of Oxford this fall. My flight leaves tonight from Seattle. I thought if I was around, Bella might like to see me."

"You'll never believe it Alice, but Bella's leaving for Europe from Seattle tonight also." Charlie said, genuinely excited.

"Really! Oh Bella will you drive out with me? I'd love to catch up with you!" Alice radiated happiness.

I gave a small nod and whispered "Yeah." I still couldn't believe she was here.

My dad excused himself to leave for work. He promised to be home around 4 to wish me off.

Once he was out in the patrol car, my emotions got the better of me and I began sobbing. Alice seemed a bit shocked and just sat across from me looking in different directions. Then she pulled a pick and black scarf from off her purse and handed it to me.

"I thought you wanted to see me?" she asked.

I looked at her confused.

"I saw you decide to ask Tanya to contact me. And well to be honest I didn't see her decide to truly get a hold of me."

That thought made me sick to my stomach. I shouldn't have put so much trust in Tanya if she never planned to call Alice for the meeting half way.

"I did know you wanted to see me, and I didn't want to stay away from you any longer if you knew." She said.

My heart fluttered because I knew what she was speaking of. "He does then? He still loves me?"

She nodded with a smile. "Of course he does Bella. He's absolutely miserable without you. I've been wanting to come back for months. But I couldn't 'see' that turning out well. Edward and I," My heart felt heavy when she said his name "we fought quite a bit, before he went on a tracking mission. He demanded I stay away from here."

"What do you mean, a tracking mission? Since when could…he track?" I asked.

"He just thought he'd give it a try. He's no good at it." She giggled "But he's been trying to track Victoria. He didn't want her coming back here for you. He would call in and I'd give him some of her decisions. But I haven't been able to see anything from her in a long while. So Edward's just been sulking around Rio De Janero. He won't even answer our phone calls anymore."

I was amazed I knew something and Alice didn't. "There's a reason you haven't seen Victoria decide anything. She's dead. Jacob and his friends killed her."

Alice's face looked blank with something I've never seen before: shock.

"Who is Jacob?" she frowned in perplexity.

"Jacob…he's sort of my best friend."

"And how did this Jacob and friends kill Victoria?"

I wasn't sure if this was okay to tell. But I figured if they are both part of this super natural world, it would be okay to talk about it.

"Well Jake and his friends, they are werewolves. Its' in their Quileute blood."

She sat very still with a blank, far away look in her eyes. I was getting anxious, so I put my hand on her cold hand and she finally looked at me.

"I was thinking there was something going wrong with my visions." Her eyelids fluttered and she still had that far away look. "For a while I kept seeing just flashes of you and Victoria. But one day I couldn't see her at all anymore. And after that day my visions of you got less and less. Until a few days ago, then your decisions were front and center and involved me." Her beautiful face was very obviously frustrated.

After a few minutes, surprised splashed across her face.

"What is it Alice." I asked nervously.

"I'm pretty sure, I can't see these werewolves. That would make the most sense. Have you spent a lot of time with this Jacob since we've been gone?" she asked.

"Yeah. Most of my time has been with him; up until the other day. That's so odd! I wonder why you can't see them?"

"I wonder too." She replied angrily. "Anyways, I wasn't going to let you leave with Tanya if I didn't see her calling me."

"So you're not really going to Paris?" I smiled bleakly.

"No." she smiled widely. "But we can! I haven't been on a shopping spree in ages."

"I need to see him Alice. I'll go wherever he is, I'll do whatever." I begged. If anyone knew what Edward meant to me, Alice would.

"Bella. I don't even know exactly where he is. And only Carlisle and Esme know I'm here. Jazz thinks I'm visiting and old friend. I'm going to have to return to Alaska soon."

"Well, listen, you're taking me with you, I don't care what you tell the others. I'm coming with you." I demanded.

"Okay okay. I'll just tell Jasper the truth. I am going to have a talk with Tanya about her intentions."

I blew that off for a moment. There were things that had to be done. Alice joined me in my room so I could pack. I got my bags out and Alice already started on my closet. She shook her head in dissatisfaction many times. Her fashion instincts took over. She was matching my tops and jeans when she came across my dress from the wedding.

"There is no way this is yours." She said while holding the dress on the hanger up to her body. "Who left this here?"

"It's mine." For the second time in a long time, Alice was shocked. "Honest."

"You picked this out yourself?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Oh Bella, you do have style under the sweats and t-shirts." She said laughing. "Can I try it on?"

I said sure and she had her strapless dress off and my party dress on before I could blink. The dress hung a little longer on her. But not by much, I'm only a few inches taller than her. She twirled in it just like I had and I giggled.

"I missed you Alice."

She winked at me and said. "I know."


	14. Chapter 14 Change

Chapter 14

Change

Alice and I spent a little bit of time packing my bags. When we were done with that we headed off to the grocery store to stock up on food for Charlie. Alice showed distaste for the nice car she'd got. "It was the only decent car the rental place had" she said as she made a face. In my opinion, the light gold Audi A5 fit her perfectly.

I had been avoiding asking her straight forward questions about Edward. She had told me when they left Forks after my birthday; the family went to Tanya's before figuring out their next destination. After not being able to agree upon anything; in large part to Rosalie's bitterness towards Edward for making them leave, Edward followed a lead from Alice's vision and began trying to track Victoria. Once he was gone Esme and Carlisle moved out to New York. Rosalie and Emmett traveled to Europe on another honeymoon. And Alice and Jasper decided to stay in Alaska. They were all back now, staying with the Denali's again.

They had found Laurent living with the Denali's when they arrived there. He had taken off shortly after Alice and Jasper decided to stay. Alice had asked me if he faced the same death as Victoria, because she had been 'blind' when she tried to see him. I told her about the day in the meadow with the wolves.

Thinking of the wolves ticked Alice off. Neither of us could figure out why they were blinding her gift.

Alice had started asking questions about my life since they'd been gone. She was quickly disappointed when I had nothing to relay. We talked the little I knew about the people from school, my fling with Jake and that was all I really had go on since they'd left.

Around four thirty, Charlie came home. He had a couple of pizzas and a small gift bag. Alice claimed to not be hungry; although I knew different, her eyes were nearly all black.

Charlie handed me the gift when we were done. I pulled out the tissue paper to find a small book, about the size of a VHS box. It was hard covered with a picture of any tree you would find in Forks. Tall, wet, and covered in soggy green moss.

I had a huge lump in my throat. How am I going to keep a journal of Europe from Alaska?

"Thanks dad." I said sheepishly.

"Welcome Bells. I want you to write it all, everything. This will be the trip of a lifetime. You don't have to let anyone read it if you don't want to. It's for you, something you can read as an old lady." He chuckled to himself.

He sounded very passionate. And while I admired the simple book, I knew I would do just as my dad intended. All the things I would experience and feel would go on these pages. They can be the words I can either read to bring back the past memories of an old mind, or the beginning of the story to my immortal life.

"I promise dad. I think it's a great idea." We hugged and Alice entered the room carrying the three bags we packed together.

"We have to get going Bella. If we wait any longer I'll be speeding to make good timing." She chimed.

My dad walked to the drawer in the kitchen and pulled out the camera he had gotten for my last birthday. I stared at it with distaste because this was something I could not document.

I hugged him again on the porch, and said our teary goodbyes I looked around at my dad's home, and felt sad to possibly never see it again. Charlie didn't say much as we walked to Alice's car with the top down. When I got in to join her, I took her picture, then my dad's. She pulled away from my house with a disgusted look on her face.

"I'm putting the top up! There's a wet dog in the neighborhood." She muttered.

I stared out of the window, saying my silent goodbyes to the town I once hated. My eyes stung with the feeling of wanting to cry, because now, this was my home. Already I missed everything I saw.

When we got out of town, Alice didn't even have time to speed up before she slammed on her breaks. I jerked forward.

I looked at her, "Alice, what's the deal?" Then she let out a menacing hiss.

"Is this your friend?" she asked.

My eyes wondered to the road in front of us and Jacob stood there barefoot and bare-chested. Alice pulled over to the shoulder of the road. I scrambled out of the car. The first thing I seen was three large wolves hiding at the edge of the trees. Teeth bared on all three. I knew them immediately, Sam, Paul and Embry.

Jacob met me half was, and we were still in the middle of the lane.

"Who's she? Where's that other leach from your room?" he practically growled.

His tone scared me. So I spoke softly "Tanya wasn't coming. So Alice did. She's Edwards's sister."

"What do you mean? That other one was here. Her scent is still fresh."

"I didn't know that, but I'm going with Alice. She is going to help me."

"You're just willing to trust all these blood suckers with your life. I don't understand you!"

"Jacob, Alice isn't going to harm me, and I know it. She came here to help me."

He trembled with anger and I could see it in his eyes too. I took one step closer to him and he didn't flinch away from me, so I know it was okay and I grabbed his hands.

"Trust me, please Jake?" I said softly.

His eyes still looked so angry, but his body seemed to soften up. He squeezed my hands a little tighter, and brought me in a little closer. I was about to give him a hug when he said, "This isn't right." And he took off, running into the woods. The others lingered a minute, and then raced off behind him.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stood in the street. I didn't want to start crying because I'd have to get back in the car with Alice. I took long deep breaths through my nose, but it was pointless. It started to rain in that moment. So I let the tears fall.

When I got back in the car, I assured Alice we were okay and she drove off. She hit the gas and we practically flew through the woods. We drove long past the sun setting, and the rain continued, as well as my tears. Alice didn't say anything. Before I knew it I was asleep.

The bright lights from the airport woke me. Alice already had my bags on a cart, ready to go. She smiled when I was fully awake and told me it was time to go.

Before I knew it we were seated on the plane, and taking off to Alaska. My nerves were flipping all over my stomach and I felt nauseas. I stared up a conversation with Alice to keep from throwing up.

"Jake said Tanya's scent was near and fresh. Did you smell her?"

"Yes when we left your house I smelled her. She got a whiff of me, and I seen her decide to go home. So we'll all have a nice little reunion when we get there." She said sarcastically.

"Do you think the rest of the family will be mad you brought me?" I wondered out loud.

Surprisingly it took her a minute to answer me. "No. I don't think so. I know Carlisle and Esme won't mind, Emmett either. But Jasper and Rose I'm sure they will be…peeved I didn't listen to Edward."

"Alice, can you see me being one of you?"

Again, more silence from her. "No Bella. I can't see that right now. I won't be able to see that until Edward makes that decision." When she seen the glum look on my face, she tried to reassure me. "Don't worry Bella. When we see or talk to Edward we will figure it all out."

That really didn't make me feel any better. I hoped for her to say yes. I laid my head back, closed my eyes and let the few reserved tears escape.

After a few minutes, I barely heard it, but I was sure Alice was talking. When I opened my eyes, she was speaking into the phone on the back of the seat in front of her. When she hung up, she looked at me with a small grin.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Tanya is home. She lied to Jasper and the rest about where she'd been. I told him to gather all the family, but not to tell Tanya I'm coming. We should be there in about an hour. I didn't tell him you were with me."

My heart started racing, and I was bouncing in my seat. I was afraid of the confrontation with Tanya in her home. But I was also excited to reunite with the Cullen's who liked me.

I started thinking of the devastatingly sad look on Jacobs face as he ran off to the woods. I feel such horrible guilt for hurting him this way. He never meant to hurt me, Corena imprinting on him was nothing he could control. But here I am, being selfish and bringing this pain upon his heart. Although I would do anything to have my Edward back, I still have to find some way to make Jacob happy again.

As the plane landed at the smallest airport I'd ever seen, Alice looked me in the eyes and asked if I was ready. Even though I was completely nervous about everything to come, I told her "Absolutely."

The weather was cold enough; Alice had to change her clothes in the airport restroom. She had brought along my thick winter coat, knowing it would be chili here. Even at night time, the sky was deep gray clouds instead of black night. It looked as if snow was going to explode from the dark clouds at any moment.

Our drive to Tanya's took nearly an hour. Alice blamed it on the 'old grandma car'. A 2000 ford Taurus was the nicest car the airport had to rent.

Alice was visibly nervous driving along the thin road she said would lead us to the Denali house. She was rubbing her thumbs back and forth on each other. If she wasn't careful, she just might break the steering wheel in half.

"We're here" she said. And when she rounded the corner I was shocked by the Denali Covens home. It appeared to be a one level wood cabin. Only it could probably take up half a city block, it was so long. The road took us up straight to the door way.

When Alice drove up to the elegant double glass doors, Jasper was out and opening Alice's door in half a second. They embraced each other for a long time. I stayed seated, even though I knew Jasper could smell me. I thought it would be best for her to announce my presents.

Alice walked him over to the passenger door and opened it. Before I could even step out, Jaspers voice was livid.

"What have you don't Alice?" he growled.

"Not me, Tanya! I asked you what her story was because I knew she was in Forks, not Quebec like she claimed."

He shook his head back and forth. Then he held out a hand, to help me out of the car. His hand was just as cold as the air around us.

"Pardon me Bella." He said with his old southern accent. "It's nice to see you again. I hope you hold no ill will against me for the last time we seen one another."

My birthday flashed across my mind and I remembered seeing Jaspers ravenous face charge at me. I must have gotten tense with the memory, because I quickly felt Jaspers calming influence throughout my body. "Of course not Jasper, I'm glad to see you."

His gentlemanly smile faded and he said "As I'm happy to see you well, I'm curious," he looked at Alice "Why is she here?"

Alice exhaled. "I saw Tanya head to Forks, I really didn't think much of it, until I seen Bella decide to ask Tanya to contact me. But Tanya's decisions did include Bella but not me, I had to intervene."

"What did Tanya want with Bella" he asked.

"She didn't like that I knew about vampires and I am still human. And she thought if I were out of the pictures, Edward could love her, not me." I explained.

He looked back at Alice and she fluttered her eyes. "Yes she knows. That's how she got me to bring her here. Is everyone available to talk?"

"Everyone is but Carlisle, Esme and Kate. But they are already on their way. What are we discussing?" Jasper questioned.

"Bella?" She chimed. She twirled and grabbed my hand to enter the house. When we approached the doors, the environment smelled just as Tanya had. Like roses, pine and crisp salt water. When I walked in, the décor stood out. It looked nothing like you would think based on the woodsy surroundings and cabin design. The inside was more like an elegant five star hotel. Chandeliers hung from every corner, art work graced all the walls, and big pieces of furniture were carefully placed throughout the room.

Nobody was around while I marveled at the antiques. Alice pointed to the right of the house, a long hallway with about a dozen doors. "Bedrooms" was all she said. We started walking to the left of the grand entrance room. It was another very long hall with only four doors to the left and two on the right. When we came to that second door, Alice gripped my hand a little harder and flashed me a small smile.

I was sure I was ready to get everything rolling, so I nodded my head at her.

When we walked in, there was a lot to take in. I looked to my right, and in the far corner was a gourmet kitchen. No lights were on and there was nothing on the counters. It was just there for show.

A little closer was a formal dinning room. There was a long dark wood table with twenty or so chairs, A full set of dishes in front of every seat.

Directly in front of us was a huge pool table made of the same dark wood and blue felt. I was amazed by the rest of the room. Well the wall mostly. From the pool table on down to the end of the room, was a long library of thousands of books. A large flat TV and bulky, comfy furniture filled up the rest of the book area.

Rosalie and Emmett shot up from the couch when we walked in. A dark haired couple and a platinum blond woman stood as well but stayed near the couch.

"Alice, what's going on here?" Rosalie said as she was looking me up and down. Emmett just stared, arms crossed with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Where's Tanya?" Alice said sourly.

The blond woman from across the room was joined with us in the blink of an eye.

"Why?" she exclaimed

"My friend and I have some talking to do with her, Irina. Would you mind telling me where she is?" replied Alice.

"Who's your friend?" Irina pressed.

"It's Bella." said a familiar voice from behind me. I got the chills as soon as I seen Tanya appears next to Irina.

"Edwards Bella? How do you know this is her sister?" Irina asked.

I felt a warm burst in my heart to hear her say 'Edwards Bella'. I suddenly wished Jasper were in the room to calm my nerves. Being the only human in front of all these vampires is as scary as you'd think.

"Yes Tanya, how did you know who this is?" Alice practically hissed.

Rosalie stepped up. "Alice, this is your family. What is with the hostility?"

Out of nowhere, I felt the need to say something, to stand up for myself. I wasn't going to have no one fight about me.

"Tanya came to meet me, at my house. After talking with her, she said she was going to bring me up here. But that never happened. Alice seen some of my decisions, and wanted to come get me herself." I said looking Tanya in her deep gold eyes. She must have drowned out the red with animal blood.

By now, the dark haired couple was standing in the group with everyone else. The gorgeous dark haired women asked "Tanya, I thought you had been in Quebec?"

Tanya didn't speak and her eyes were glowing with hate as she looked upon me. Her lips were starting to peel back over her teeth, when I felt a wave of serenity roll through me. Then her mouth relaxed and she threw a glare at Jasper who was now at Alice's side.

A sound of annoyance came from Emmett as he cleared his throat. "Somebody please, get the story rolling."

"I went to meet this human girl, so what?" Tanya said to the group. "She let me know how desperate she was to become a vampire, and I agreed to bring her here. But I quickly changed my mind." she folded her arms and rose her head snobbishly.

"And as for your plans to call me?" Alice reminded.

"I had no plans to do so okay. I had no idea this girl was of importance to you Alice."

Alice said "She is." At the same time that Rosalie said "She isn't."

"Well she is. And if you don't want her here with me, just say so." Alice folded her arms to mock Tanya.

Tanya shook her arms out and stood up straight. She said nothing.

"We will be here only long enough to get ahold of Edward. Does anyone know where Carlisle is?" said Alice.

"Hunting. Why do you need Edward?" Rosalie asked.

"She knows Rose. We all know how much he truly loves her. I'm going to take her to him."

"Is that such a good idea? Their relationship didn't work. That's why he left Alice." said Rosalie "It's not your place to interfere."

This really got me heated and I spoke before thinking. I instantly regretted it. "But it involves me too. Id I asked for Alice's help, so it's not your place to interfere."

Her mouth was pressed in a hard line and her big golden eyes looked menacing. She had always disliked me, and this had helped solidify her feelings.

Alice spoke, breaking the tension. "Tanya, Irina. Do Bella and I need to leave or can she stay here with me?"

"She's welcome to stay Alice" Irina said.

"There's no reason she can't, right Tanya?" She looked at Tanya who was still staring me down.

She didn't say anything just stormed out of the door we entered. Rosalie was right on her heels.

Emmett hugged me and spun me around. When he set me down I nearly stumbled. "I've missed you clumsy little girl." He said before following Rosalie out the door.

Right as Alice and I sat across the room on the big couch, Carlisle, Esme, and who I assumed to be Kate, walked in the big French doors near the kitchen area. They caught my familiar scent right away, because I was in Esme's arms immediately. She hugged me as gently as possible, and kept whispering 'oh Bella' in my ear. Over her shoulder, I saw Alice explaining things to Carlisle. Esme let me go, and brushed her cool fingers along my blushing cheeks.

I seen Carlisle get on his phone and walk away. Alice had a huge grin on her face, for half a second. Her eyes went far away and she started to squint and mumble.

Carlisle rushed back to her side, "What wrong Alice?"

She blinked about a hundred times before Carlisle repeated himself. Her eyes finally focused, she looked straight into my eyes and said "Edward disappeared…he decided to go to Germany…and then he disappeared." By the end of her sentence she was speaking in a bewildered whisper.


	15. Chapter 15 Visiting the Dead

Chapter 15

Visiting the Dead

I wondered if vampires could go into shock. Because for the last three hours, the only movement that came from this large group of vampires, was when Alice would move from having her head in her lap, to leaning it on the back of the couch. She kept her eyes closed, and every once in awhile she would let out a grunt of frustration.

After she claimed Edward had disappeared from her visions, all the vampires had come back to the living room. Jasper and Carlisle hovered around her, asking impatient questions.

"What do you mean disappeared? What happened? Is he in danger?" Carlisle asked franticly.

"Can you see a trigger Alice? What was he doing? Who was he speaking with?" Jasper pressed.

Esme and Irina held on to each other's hands as they looked at Alice. Emmett was holding Rosalie, they stayed standing by the door. Tanya and Kate were crowding around Alice as well.

Still blinking a mile a minute Alice answered, "He came across a coven in…Brazil."

"It could have been Zafrina and Senna." Carlisle said.

"Whatever they spoke about intrigued him." Alice continued. "He was considering going to Peru, until he found this coven. He decided to head to Germany and he was completely happy and hopeful, then…nothing."

Nobody had a response for that. Alice's gift had never faltered when it came to vampires.

I was consumed with worry. My heart was heavy and my eye stung with the sensation of holding back tears. I was glad I was here. I would never have known any of this had Alice never come. Confusion was running throughout my head. What could have happened? What could have been said that would erase Edwards's path from Alice's mind. And more important, what's in Germany.

I tried my best to stay awake, hoping Alice would have new information. But my heavy eyes were getting the best of me as the hours ticked by. Esme came from her place standing by the books and grabbed my hand.

"Bella, my dear, let me take you to a bed. It's no use trying to fight your sleep. Alice will get you at any moment if something new happens."

I wanted to argue, to say that I must stay up just in case of anything. But I would just end up sleeping here if I didn't go now.

"Sleep well Bella. We will all try and come up with a plan tomorrow." Carlisle said as I left the room with Esme. No one else said a thing or moved an inch.

She walked me to the 'bedroom hall' and opened the first door to the left. It was a grand bathroom, probably the size of my bedroom. Esme showed me where the towels were, and then led me to the door next to last at the end of the hall.

"This is the room Edward would keep when we come here. Make yourself comfortable, we'll see you when you wake." Her cold lips kissed the top of my head then left me to myself.

I eyed the piano in the corner of the room and imagined Edward sitting there, making music with his finger tips. The image in my head made me sigh. I miss him so much it hurt. I had really looked forward to a resolution, but everything is as complicated as ever.

The bed was nothing extraordinary, a thin twin size bed. Since no one here had a purpose for it, I could understand why it was so mediocre compared to the rest of the furniture. As I laid my head down, there was not even a moment to gather my thoughts, I was fast asleep.

Such an odd thing for me, when I woke I realized I hadn't even a flicker of a dream. I could see through the window, the sun shown bright. I assumed it must be afternoon already.

My bags were sitting on the floor near the door. I quietly walked over to them and retrieved the small book Charlie had given me. It had felt like such a short amount of time since Sam and Emily's wedding, yet so much had happened. I thought those few days ago would make a good place to start.

Pages filled up effortlessly, and I stopped when I got to this point in time.

I had no idea what kind of weather to expect here in Alaska during July. Jeans and a long sleeved cotton shirt would have to suffice. I grabbed my bathroom bag and headed for the rest room. When I was done I left my bag on the counter.

The house was very silent as I made my way to the living room. As I walked in the room, I noticed Carlisle, Alice and Jasper, Esme, Emmett and Kate sitting at the large table. There was a large world map sprawled out across the table.

Carlisle was at my side in a moment. "We have some news. I'm sorry; we didn't want to wake you. But an hour or so ago Edward returned to Alice's sight. His distant future is still gone; black I guess you could say. But his very near future is showing that he is on his way to Chicago."

I knew Chicago is where Edward was born, raised and died. "Why is he going there?" I asked.

"Tombstones. That's all I can see." Alice chimed. She was looking straight forward, eyes wide, with both index fingers on her temples.

"Yes, I believe he is going to visit his parents' graves. He still will not answer his cell phone. Rather than take a plane, he decided to run. That's the decision that came to Alice this morning. But when he is done in Chicago, his mind is still set on going to Germany. That's where it all goes blank again." Carlisle mused.

"Any idea what's in Germany?" I wondered out loud.

"No!" Alice growled "I've been trying to see that, but nothing is there for me to see! It's all black!"

"I think if we head to Chicago, leave soon, we may get there at the same time as him." Carlisle suggested. "Since he's running from South America, he should be in about Texas by now."

"He's in Monterrey, nearing the US border." Alice said, keeping her attention on whatever she seen coming from Edward.

"Alice, do you see anything else from him?" I asked.

"Yes! You. He starts thinking about you and the more he does, the faster everything disappears. All of his decisions seemed to be based around you."

Was that supposed to be tragic or relieving? He's basing his conscious decisions around me, but they are causing his future to fade away. I couldn't comprehend what this could mean.

"Well who is all going? We don't need to make an entire family trip just to see if maybe we can find him." Emmett said.

Esme spoke up. "Carlisle and Alice of course. And Bella absolutely. The rest of us would just be too many."

"Esme's right." Carlisle said. "If too many of us go it would just slow us down. Could you be ready in an hour Bella?"

"I can be ready in five minutes. I haven't unpacked anything."

"Good. Ill book us a flight, we will be off to Illinois in to time."

I was over whelmed with nervous, familiar butterflies. The anxiety of possible seeing Edward soon, was crippling.


	16. Chapter 16 Third Stone

Chapter 16

Third Stone

The rain was pouring down on the city of Chicago as our flight descended. We had a long flight from Alaska. In the end, Carlisle and Jasper came along with Alice and I. At any given moment, each of us was consumed with Alice's every move.

As Edward ran north, his decisions were few. He only thought of seeing a cemetery and then disappearing. Carlisle and Jasper were baffled as the racked their brains for a possible explanation to the mystery. Not one of us had a clue what could be blinding Alice. Although we were sure Edward was not on a path of self destruction. He was completely happy with the unknown abyss of his future.

Shortly after we landed, Alice said he was close to his destination. She wasn't sure what cemetery he was going to, and surprisingly, Carlisle had never learned that information either. So Carlisle was calling city serves to find where Edward Sr. and Elizabeth Masen were buried. They were part of Chicago's early 1900 upper class, so he was positive their final resting place would be recorded.

I sat in the back seat with Alice; her head in her hands. Jasper drove while Carlisle was on the phone.

Over the past two days, I had some what buried the pain in my chest; not sure of what to do with it. But now, as we drove through these busy unfamiliar streets, I had a faint hope. If we could just meet up with him before he made his way to Germany, all our worries could be dissolved. And I could be whole again.

I could be whole, but not complete. Jacobs absents already feels like a shadow, lingering over my shoulder, I do desire his happiness more than my own. My mind drifted back to LaPush. How is Jake feeling? Is he missing me like I miss him? Has he and Corena developed a real relationship? I'd have to call him the next chance I get.

My attention was pulled away from my thoughts when Carlisle turned to face the back seat. "We are going to have to travel quite a ways out of the city. The Masens were buried near Elizabeth's home town, in McLean County.

As Carlisle spoke I felt Jasper accelerate the gas.

In about an hour we came upon a small town. It reminded me a lot of Forks. It was so small, just one main street, one school house, and a small cop station. The only difference was, instead of large mossy green trees, they had tall wheat and corn fields.

Alice sat straight up, with a brilliant smile upon her face. All she said was "perfect timing!"

Instantly, those two words made my heart race in a sprint and I felt a cluster of butterflies swirling around my stomach. I was about to start hyperventilating, when Jasper sent a heavy wave of serenity through me. I sat back in my seat, with a smile that matched Alice.

"About a half mile west Jazz. Then take two lefts and a right. We will arrive about a minute after Edward." Alice chimed.

My love is only a half a mile away. All these months without him seem so insignificant now. I'm only minutes away from his scent, his face, his voice. Knowing he loves me, I can only hope he whisks me off my feet, tells me he wants to spend eternity with me, and gives me immortality.

As Jasper took the final turn from Alice's directions, I seen the gate to the entrance of Saint Mary's cemetery He followed the road inside the cemetery until it ended right in front of a gigantic concrete cross. My eyes searched franticly around the area. This place seemed like the emptiest place in the world. I didn't see any cars or a single person around. I got to my knees and looked out the back window.

There he was, in all his glory, standing at the far north end of the cemetery. He stood in the rain with a coat in one hand and roses in the other. He was staring down at three large head stones. His body was utterly still, as if he were one of the cement head stones, plastered permanently in the ground.

I clutched at my heart, feeling it pound harder than ever before. It felt as if it were kick started. A chocking sob escaped my mouth, and my eyes were washed up with tears. Alice rested her cool hand on my back, and I got the chills from her icy touch.

"I'd like to speak with him alone for a moment first please." Carlisle asked. "I hope you don't mind." He told all of us. Nobody objected, and Carlisle swiftly got out of the car. As soon as his door was opened, Edward snapped his head in this direction. Clearly he had caught his thoughts. Moving at a blinding speed, Carlisle was immediately by his side. I watched their every move still on my knees.

Alice was leaning forward, whispering into Jaspers ear, I paid them no mind.

My hand stayed at my heart. Every beat felt stronger than the one before. I wonder if he can scenes the rhythm of my heart?

Seconds take what feels like hours to pass while I watch the two of them talk in the rain. Edward brought his hand up to his chest, in just the same way as I had. Carlisle puts a hand on his shoulder.

I clear my eyes of tears.

After a few blinks, Edward was looking towards the car. His hand remains a fist over his heart.

They stayed talking, Alice and Jasper are still whispering. I can't hear a sound from either of them. I realized I hadn't been breathing; I inhaled deeply through my nose.

Sitting in this car, just watching them was killing me inside. "Can I go out there?" I finally asked Alice.

She looked over at me, a despite look I've never seen on her was embedded in her darkening eyes. "I don't know." She whispered. "Wait for Carlisle to come back."

I looked over her features for a moment. "What is it Alice, what's wrong?" I said, grabbing her face on both sides.

"I don't know." She nearly cried as if it were possible. "I don't know what they're talking about. But…Carlisle…is fading. Not like how Edward just went black. But he's going to make a change, or something. I don't know!"

I didn't understand what she was saying. How could he be fading? He was standing just right outside.

I looked back out over the grave sites. Edwards now kneeling down, Carlisle stared at the ground in the other direction. Just then, Edward looked up to his adopted father. Carlisle nods and walks toward the car at human speed.

Once he got in the car, Alice, Jasper and I say his name simultaneously.

"Bella." He says turning to look at me. "Go. Go see him."

All I want is to get out of this car and race to him. But I'm frozen, tears on the brink of a water fall. I'm speechless, staring at Carlisle's dark gold eyes. I can't read the emotions or expression on his face at all.

"He wants you." He stated.

My shaky hand finally reaches for the door. As if I were in slow motion, I open the door and step out.

He is still kneeling down. As bad as my heart wants to run to him, my mind is making me take small careful steps towards where he is. It took me longer than I wanted, but finally I reached him. Edward stood and turned to me.

Oh how I missed that glorious face. His eyes were a burning buttery gold. My favorite crooked smile slowly spread across his face. The white button up shirt he wore was translucent from being soaked with rain water. I could see through the shirt as it clung tight to his rock hard body.

Edward walked to me, at human speed. And with every step my heart beat faster and faster. I cried out his name when he was directly in front of me. He came at me slowly and put his hand on my heart and his face to my neck. He inhaled deeply. The tip of his nose glided up my throat, over my jawbone and into my hair. I could feel his every breath. Then he whispered so softly "Oh Bella."

My tears could not be held back then. They felt as if they were dropping fast and heavier than the rain. He took me in his arms, pulled me off my feet until our lips met.

The taste of him on my lips was intoxicating. Goosebumps popped up all over my body. His cold hands were all over me. I could feel the passion, the electricity in every touch. In that moment, I could have ripped off all our clothes and even thought we stood among the dead. I didn't care.

Soon I was out of breath, and my heart felt as if it were going to pound its way out of my body. He set me back on my feet. We stared into each other's eyes for a long moment.

"You love me." I stated.

"I do. I love you a million times more than every star in the sky." His velvet voice was music to my ears.

I wanted to ask him a million questions. I wanted to continue kissing his stone lips. But before I could speak again, he grabbed my hand and turned me around. I knew he had come here to visit his parents grave, but I was taken by surprise when I noticed who else had a resting place here.

In the middle was, Edward A Masen Sr. His tomb read, "Beloved son, husband, and father. Born December 1, 1874. Passed September 2, 1918." A single rose lay in front of his stone.

To the left was his mother. "Elizabeth B. Masen (Fredrick) Devoted daughter, wife and mother. Born April 12, 1879. Passed September 24, 1918." She had a whole bouquet of red roses on her resting place.

The third grave stone to the right had no flowers. It read "Edward A. Masen Jr. Beloved only son. Gone too soon. Born June 20, 1901. Passed September 25, 1918."

"I've never come here." Edward said. "I never wanted to see my name on this stone."

"Who's buried here? It's obviously not your body." I asked puzzled.

"There are no bodies here. Just three grave stones."


End file.
